Should I Write for the Public? - #write31days 10-23-16

With the craziness in our lives lately, the quote below rings TRUE with me. I seem to be writing my own personal story lately. I feel as though I need to write for myself lately. I wonder if anyone else cares what I have to say. I wonder if someone will be encouraged by what I say. I wonder if someone will relate to what I say. And yet, a part of me doesn't really care that much about the "others". I feel the need to write for me.

"It is better to write for yourself and have no public
than to write for the public and have no self."
~ Cyril Connolly #quote

I began writing as a young child. I wrote only for myself - feeling that what I had to say was of no interest to anyone since it would not relate to anyone. I was also embarrassed of what I wrote and who I was. I was insecure and truly felt that I was not worthy of sharing my views & thoughts with others. As I matured, I began to think that perhaps there might be one other person in the world that might be a little like me. And, I began to feel as though I had to be open about my weaknesses and my battles & challenges. 

As a young adult, I grew in my relationship with Christ and asked God to use my words, thoughts, views, etc. I began to see that many others in the world felt insecure with who they were... with what their worth was. I was also convicted that the feelings of insecurity & self-loathing were a tool... and not a tool of the One I called my Lord & Savior. I felt isolated and helpless in my insecurities. This isolation made me feel powerless. And, I began to question whether others might be feeling isolated and powerless.

So, I began to share openly about what I was facing. I began to write about the things that blessed me and the things that pulled me down. I began to write notes to myself as a reminder in the years to come to not lose perspective of views I had when I was "younger". I began to expose things that I'd hidden for years.

The Connolly quote above reminds me of one of Shakespeare's most famous quotes:

"To thine own self be true."
~ William Shakespeare #quote

"To thine own self be true." ~ William Shakespeare

Should we really do ANYTHING for the public...or for the betterment of ourselves... first? 

5 Minute Free-For-All - Should I Write for the Public? - #write31days 10-23-16

Little... but FIERCE

For the past 6 days, I've been the caregiver of the Little - our 3 and half year old granddaughter - while her Mommy is away on a trip. 95% of the time, she's a JOY with not many challenges at all. The remaining 5% of the time, she is a JOY with TONS OF CHALLENGES - all very typical to that age group though. I love being with her & she definitely keeps me on my toes! I suppose other children her age have a great memory. But, I am constantly amazed at her fantastic memory.

• After having been to our apartment complex only 3 times, the other night as we approached the entrance to the apartments, she announced, "We are home at our apartment!"
• At the Dollar General yesterday, we saw a set of Frozen kids' dishes in teal and purple. We walked out of the store with a full set in teal for less than $5. For dinner last evening, she demanded to have her food on the purple ones we saw in the store but, that I had not purchased.
• A few days ago, I gave her a choice of Cheerios or yogurt for breakfast. She announced that she wanted "product". I had no idea what she meant & began to question her about what this mysterious "product" could be. Thankfully, she caught a glimpse of a box of raisins in the cabinet & requested a bowl of Cheerios with raisins in them.
• This morning when giving her suggestions for breakfast, she exclaimed, "I told you 'last day' (her term for days, weeks, months in the past) that I wanted PRODUCT and that's what I want." After a tantrum fit or two and me walking away a few times, she calmed herself. Since I'm the ADULT & not new to this rodeo, I managed to trick #theLittle into eating some Greek yogurt, raisins & walnuts and drink some cranberry juice for breakfast while I got ready to go out & take her to the grocery store to find PRODUCT. Since she's 3 and a half, she no longer wanted PRODUCT and wanted to keep her jammie's on and watch a "movie" on PBS Kids!

"And though she be little, she is fierce."

~ William Shakespeare

And, so... early in the day, I sit here all dressed up with no place to go. And, I write about being little but fierce. I'm visually reminded of the fierceness of little children as she sits cross-legged on the sofa loudly answering the questions posed on "Super Why" and continuing to tell me that she doesn't want to go shopping and look for PRODUCT. I'm reminded of small things that have been fierce in my life too...

• One or two things someone did to hurt me years & years ago, still prevent me from looking at that person in a fresh new way -- without conditions or prejudices -- and prevent me from extending a hand of friendship to them.
• I grew up feeling insecure and continue to allow a feeling I had as a young child affect my choices and actions as an adult - even when I know better. 
• In the past I allowed the emotional baggage I carried with me to outweigh the heart & head knowledge I'd gained over the years. 
• And, I remember a time when a small white lie turned into years & years of hiding something that wasn't that big in the beginning but, grew immensely with time.

What if... just what if... even when I feel "little" in a situation or when facing a task that feels overwhelming... I can be FIERCE too!

5 Minute Free-For-All #write31days 10-19-16 - Little... but FIERCE

Going Normal from Time to Time #write31days 10-1-16

Let me start out by telling you a little about myself…

I don't go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.

I’ve loved to write down my thoughts, hopes, dreams, plans, etc. since an early age. I’ve grown up doing that. I’ve grown “old” doing that.

With each season of life came changes in how I recorded those thoughts. As a young child I wrote nightly in a hidden diary under my bed and opened by a key in the drawer of my night stand. As a youth, I bought and completed journals – the covers decorated with what I was most interested in at that time of my life. As a young adult, I began keeping a journal on my computer – you know, the computers that looked like huge boxes with a bubbled TV screen on the front. At one point the journaling transitioned to a blog which I entitled “stuckinindiana”. It contained more unpublished posts than ones I published. To publish a post meant that I was sharing my thoughts with anyone… in the whole, wide world. Throughout the years, one thing remained, the firm belief that said:

You are not normal. You are different.

What you are writing is from your perspective of LIFE.

It is a perspective that others don’t share.

It is a perspective that others won’t care to follow.

As I began to open my soul more & more through my posts, I was comforted in knowing that – even though I was publicly publishing and sharing more of my posts – practically no one would read them since I was so different. I reminded myself that I was my own version of CRAZY – totally unique to me. I knew that what I wrote could not have a real positive effect on this world.

But, I have continued to write, post & share. Why? Because I believe in the power of ONE – the power of ONE person mattering; the power of ONE person who can make a difference; the power of ONE person who doesn’t have to weigh everything they do by what the masses will think. And so… I continue… to share…

Join me in that journey! Maybe you can join me in saying:

I don't go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.

DO NOT POST THIS

I need to vent... but, feel as though I can't really talk with anyone about exactly what I'm thinking. I feel like most people don't get me. I'm overwhelmed with what we are privately processing in our little family right now. I want prayers more than words from friends, peers and acquaintances. Encouraging quotes about change, doors opening, new adventures, etc. are great. But, there's always another eloquent quote that seems to give the opposite view. I believe so many of the encouraging quotes I see. As a matter of fact, I seem to be sharing them with myself & the stuckinindiana communities a LOT in this season.

For more years than I like to admit, I've battled

Thinking and STEPPING OUT OF THE BOX

I daily have to say to myself...

Don't just "think outside of the box." Be willing to "step out of the box."

Those of you who know me... and I mean really know me... know that I am not comfortable in most social settings. Large groups of people in one place - especially in crowded areas - make me want to hide. There were many times in the small foyer area of our former church building that I would freeze up & sneak away. The move to our new facility, with a large Commons area, really helped. But, I still have some "crazy" moments

sunrise thoughts 08 October 2015

I totally overdid it with the outside work yesterday. It seems to be a pattern I have... struggling with the sames issues I've had since childhood... over-achievement, obsession and insecurity. Seriously?!? What kind of character traits are those to carry through life?

Don't be afraid to... BE YOUrself!

As a child, I was skinny... the kind of skinny that reminded most people of a child from a refugee camp. I have the pics to prove it too! I'll post a few of those at a later time - perhaps here or perhaps on the Facebook page.

The truth of the matter was that I was so tall & skinny that I got a lot of attention. And, it wasn't the GOOD kind of attention. In addition to that, there were some other things at work in my life which, since happening when I was a young child, made me feel odd & out of place. Needless to say, I never did want to BE ME! I dreamed of being someone else... someone that melted into the scenery and didn't stand out and draw attention.
 
It took a lot of years. But, little by little, I began to accept that I was uniquely created in a good way. My quirkiness hasn't totally gone & I've not really refined much as I've aged. However, I've grown more comfortable with the skin I'm in and the person I was created to be.

I'm sure I'm not alone in these feelings... the questioning of my worth or value... the questioning of my physical attractiveness... the questioning of my place in the world or my impact on the world and those closest to me. But, the "questioning" has been for a season. And, those seasons seem to be getting fewer and farther in between.

Every once in awhile there's a BIG REMINDER that I should not give in to those former doubtful feelings. One such time is depicted in the "stuckinindiana-pairing" I've used for this post. If you look closely at the picture you'll see a beautiful older woman who seemed to be very comfortable with being HER own person. I hope with the passing of each day that YOU and I will become more comfortable and accepting of our own uniqueness!

NOTE TO SELF (and to you, if it applies):

Don't be afraid to... BE YOUrself!!

 

 

(See the blog labels for related postings.)

A Bottom-Feeder in the Ocean of Life

And, I have to remind myself to:

Fight the feeling!

Earlier as I was digging through the over-crowded & very disorganize refrigerator for left-overs, I thought to myself, "Yep, you're just a bottom-feeder in the Ocean of Life!" The search effort was twofold: get rid of anything which looked like a potential science experiment & find something suitable (more than stale Christmas cookies or left over candy) for lunch. More days than not, I'm looking through the refrigerator trying to determine what's in there that I could and should eat before it becomes a petri dish for cultivation. My mindset isn't, "What looks the yummiest?" But, my mind is focused on, "What's

The Best Way Out

"Two Worlds II" (oil on canvas) by Jessica Bentley, Artist

Life is full of seasons. And, some of those seasons are grueling... shame, fear, grief, illness, insecurity, loss, persecution... and the list goes on. At times we feel paralyzed by what's happening in our world -- with those around us or what's happening to us -- inside our bodies or our minds. 

My first thought when facing a tough season has often been a question which is probably asked often by many people, "What's the fastest way to get through these seasons?" 

Perfecting the Fake Smile

I'm good at faking a smile. Are you? I learned it at a very young age. My father was the pastor of a small church in a little town in the hills of North Carolina. He was very out-going. He made it a point to hop in & get involved in the community when we first moved there. I had just completed kindergarten. That little town was our home until I was in 8th grade. And, there didn't seem to be a place where I could go that people didn't now who my father was. I was proud of him. But, it wasn't always fun to be known as one of the "preacher's kids".

I didn't want to make things bad for my family. So, I learned at a very young age to hide any feelings I had that might be seen as negative... more accurately, any feelings that might be seen as less-than-perfect.

That SATURDAY Feeling!

I've been thinking a lot about SATURDAY this week... it seems to get over-looked in the story of Easter. And, many people in this world are living in the "Saturday" right now -- feeling as though the "Saturday" will never end. There are so many things which plague us in this fallen world:

• grief
• shame
• poverty
• guilt
• loneliness
• insecurity
• despair
• pain (physical, emotional, etc.)
• human trafficking
• sorrow
• depression
• persecution
• loss

Many know that Sunday is coming... but aren't feeling it at all! Seasons of brokenness can feel overwhelming & without end. Times of hopelessness can nearly consume us. Grief & pain can break us down, robbing us of the strength we need for even the simplest things in life. Many things can make us afraid to take chances again or take another path. And, it's easy to allow our poor choices or weaknesses to cause us to begin believing we don't even deserve a better life. Often we can become so weary from the battle that we want to throw in the towel... and just give up. We want to cry out "it is finished" without a glimmer of hope.

I can't imagine how the SATURDAY after Christ's crucifixion must have felt to so many. It had to be a day of much anguish... questioning... fear. I wonder about those who'd stood by the side of Jesus as he spoke the words to bring Lazarus back to life... to bring the daughter of Jairus back to life. I wonder if those people even considered the possibility that their Lord could also come back to life? Or were they overwhelmed with the knowledge of what was at that very moment. There was a separation on that day. And, that separation was horrible. 

I was able to capture this photo during the Good Friday service at
my church which was lead by Alanna Story.
What a blessing that service was!!

YES... I've been thinking a lot about SATURDAY this week... and about how so many people in this world are living in the "Saturday" right now. May our hearts be moved to walk alongside those who are going through that "Saturday" feeling.

"They will mock him, spit on him, flog him with a whip and kill him, but after 3 days he will rise again." Mark 10:34

#JoyDare No. 2497. reflecting on SATURDAY

PAIRINGS - Little is Much When God is In It

In times I feel I have little to give to those around me... and my world... may I be reminded of this...

Little is Much When God is In It was written in 1924 by Kittie L. Suffield...

In the harvest field now ripened

There’s a work for all to do;

Hark! the voice of God is calling

To the harvest calling you.

Little is much when God is in it!

Labor not for wealth or fame.

There’s a crown—and you can win it,

If you go in Jesus’ Name.

In the mad rush of the broad way,

In the hurry and the strife,

Tell of Jesus’ love and mercy,

Give to them the Word of Life.

Little is much when God is in it!

Labor not for wealth or fame.

There’s a crown—and you can win it,

If you go in Jesus’ Name.

Does the place you’re called to labor

Seem too small and little known?

It is great if God is in it,

For He’ll not forget His own.

Little is much when God is in it!

Labor not for wealth or fame.

There’s a crown—and you can win it,

If you go in Jesus’ Name.

Are you laid aside from service,

Body worn from toil and care?

You can still be in the battle,

In the sacred place of prayer.

Little is much when God is in it!

Labor not for wealth or fame.

There’s a crown—and you can win it,

If you go in Jesus’ Name.

When the conflict here is ended

And our race on earth is run,

He will say, if we are faithful,

“Welcome home, My child—well done!”

Little is much when God is in it!

Labor not for wealth or fame.

There’s a crown—and you can win it,

If you go in Jesus’ Name.

The lyrics were based upon this familiar Bible story told in Matthew 14:17-21...

“But we have only five loaves of bread and two fish!” they answered. “Bring them here,” he said. Then he told the people to sit down on the grass. Jesus took the five loaves and two fish, looked up toward heaven, and blessed them. Then, breaking the loaves into pieces, he gave the bread to the disciples, who distributed it to the people. They all ate as much as they wanted, and afterward, the disciples picked up twelve baskets of leftovers. About 5,000 men were fed that day, in addition to all the women and children! Matthew 14:17-21

Used in... 
Don't Have Much To Give
Funeral for a Friend 

Open Spaces - #JoyDare No. 2289

Due to a small book club group for women started in 2012 by a friend at my church, I actually picked up & read Ann Voskamp's book, One Thousand Gifts, in early 2012. I began listing gifts then & am planning to continue for years to come. It's a WONDERFUL way to remind myself of God's tender loving care for & faithfulness to me -- and to all his children! I've always been one to get super excited about the little things from God - seeing a mother deer & her fawns while out walking early in the morning, the way the clouds look on a cold -- but sunny -- winter day, the lighting or angle I was able to catch in a photo, the quiet snoring/breathing of the LOML as he sleeps beside me, new fuzzy socks or slippers, an apple right off my tree, etc. Often times my descriptions make no sense to anyone by me & God. So, I decided to expand upon those thoughts in a few posts. So... for today... 

Open Spaces - #JoyDare No. 2289

Among other things, I've struggled with insecurity & anxiety issues for years. As you can see from my posts over the years, I've struggled with a lot :) Usually each struggle happens independently. But, there's one situation that used to be the "double whammy" for me every week. It happened every Sunday morning at church. It was the church narthex -- the old term for the entry area just outside of the sanctuary. We began attending church at "North Anderson Church of God" when we moved back to Indiana for the LOML to finish up on his degree. Within a few years, I was singing in the choir, active in a Young Married Couples class, volunteering for the Worship Arts pastor & ministry, and more. I met a LOT of great people through those smaller groups. I was at home in each of those groups.

But, Sunday mornings after church, when we all poured out from the sanctuary, my chest tightened and my breathing became quick & shallow. I never could seem to make it from point A to point B without feeling a lot of stress. I felt swallowed up in that sea of smiling (and familiar) faces. It was just too much... too close. I was constantly questioning myself... did I miss someone's eye contact because I was staring at my feet moving toward my goal... did I miss talking with someone when I stopped to say hello to another... did I... did I... did I? In the 17 years we attended church at that location, I struggled with those feelings.

When our church relocated to our new location, Madison Park Church, it only took a few Sundays for my family to notice that things had changed. The person who had avoided crossing the narthex at North was now almost impossible to get in the car after church. I was running all over "The Commons" at Madison Park. It was freeing. My deep connection & joy come from the intimate moments I share with those I see before & after the services. The open space in our new "Commons" area freed me to move about & make those connections.

When we moved from Durbin Manor out here to the sticks, I had NO IDEA how freeing the open spaces would be. I can't even describe how much I love sitting at my place at the dinner table. I look out our front window (to my left) for over a mile to where the White River bends below the river banks and then glance to the right out the back window across a mile of fields & small wooded areas. There's sheer joy in those moments as I look out for a distance while safe inside of my home.

Whether I 'm walking down a country road for a few miles with no one in sight or walking through a crowded room, I envision myself as being covered & protected by God Himself. I can navigate all those places without fear knowing that God will bring me through.

His Promises are TRUE!

"He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection." Psalm 91:4 NLT 

"You are my hiding place and my shield; I hope in Your word." Psalm 119:114 AMP

My #JoyDare list for Sunday, 2/9/14:

2289. open spaces

2290. messy rooms

2291. old people

Linking with Ann Voskamp - A Holy Experience today...

I Hate Over-Achievers!

Have those words ever crossed your mind as you watched someone going above & beyond what was required or expected? I've thought it many times while watching others & wallowing in my insecurities. 

And, I dare say, it's been thought of me as I've pushed myself or pushed others in the hopes that the best would happen or that efforts would be recognized & rewarded. That pushing was also, most likely, fueled by my insecurities.

Where's the line between giving your best and demanding too much?

Loved this clip art I found!
Throw in a baby & a few
more other things...
Add a few pounds & a longer skirt...
and you have ME!

I'm an over-achiever and, I often hate that about myself. I have the desire to cover-up anything happening in my life that is less than okay or might make me look like a slacker. On the other hand, I love to write about & share my life honestly and openly with friends & those who read my posts. This, perhaps, is another reason I write from the identity of "stuckinindiana" :)

Well, if you think I have the answer to the question, "Where's the line between giving your best and demanding too much?" -- I'm afraid you might be disappointed with this post. My entire blog is more about "the journey" than "the answers." I've struggled with the question above since early childhood! I imagine it'll be a challenge for me for years to come.

And, guess what? I have a theory on that :) I believe that there are certain areas of weakness in each of us which rear their ugly heads frequently. I believe that most of us re-fight many of the same battles as we move through life. With each time the ugliness appears, I find it best to immediately hand it to God. I fight the battle once again with His help. I believe God refines us in the fire, making us stronger through those reoccurring struggles. I've learned a variety of things fighting my over-achiever battle again & again :)

Where do you stand on the question:

Where's the line between giving your best and demanding too much?

A promise I claim:

"I will bring that group through the fire and make them pure. I will refine them like silver and purify them like gold. They will call on my name, and I will answer them. I will say, 'These are my people', and they will say, ‘The LORD is our God.'"  Zechariah 13:9

Linking with Ann Voskamp - A Holy Experience today... 

HOPE, Mirror, Mirror On the Wall 10-11-13

"Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?"

Do you remember those words from the Disney movie, Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs :) When I was a little girl, I loved that movie & remember saying that to myself in a mirror. Gazing in the mirror there was a thin face peering back. And yet, I beheld the lovely face of a soon-to-be Princess on her way to a life of luxury in the "castle" of her dreams... Biltmore Estate :) Yes, that was my happily ever after dream destination. 

Ahhh... childhood fantasies & memories, how they occupied my days!

And, as I say pretty often... and then life happened. The image I saw at a very early age was one of hope & beauty. But, over the years, the image that peered back at me often showed a person of insecurities - not a pretty face. It showed someone who wasn't quite enough. It showed a person who was no longer wanted in a relationship. It showed a person who hadn't been chosen for a part in a play or in a circle of friends. It showed someone who felt like a once-cherished-friend had moved on to bigger & better friends.

Recently when visiting a BFF girlfriend, I awoke from a very restful night of sleep. I stretched & gave out a LOUD groan of joy. Suddenly, I caught an image in the mirror across the room which took my breath away. I immediately began laughing loudly & grabbed my cell to captured a picture. The thought came to me... I'm made in the image of God. God is hilarious!

I'm thankful that I can see God in the hilarious... in the image of myself in the mirror... in the hope for today & tomorrow. 

Q: Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who's the fairest of them all?
A: The One I want to reflect the rest of the days of my life. That's who!

His promises...

Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely. 1 Corinthians 13:12

Wow... God sees me as beautiful... because God sees me for what I can be & will be through Him :)

Linking October 2013 with The Nesting Place

 for the 31-day Challenge

Related Posts:

Dream On...

When Dreams Die 

When Your Story is Not Your Own

Crazy Undone Dreams  

Do You Like Your Life Ruthann? 

HOPE, Childhood Hopes 10-05-13

My childhood was -- let's just say -- complicated. Without going into details, I grew up KNOWING that I should never be a mom. I remembering not wanting to play "family" because I was afraid to be the mommy. I went into my teens knowing that I should not be a mom. I went into my twenties knowing it. There was no doubt in my mind that I should not have children. I did NOT have what I needed to be a good mom!

Only in my mid-twenties, when I held a friend's newborn baby (just hours old), did I wonder... is there any hope that I could do this? It was the first time I'd even considered it seriously. I began praying & asking God... could I??

When the talk of marriage began between me & my best friend, who became the LOML, that time of praying & seeking became more intense. He was definitely interested in having a family. Why couldn't he just take me as I was... a hard-working business woman without kids. But, he not only wanted me just as I was but, for what he felt I could be... a good mommy :)

I cup her tiny head within the palm of
my hand & think of how God holds
me safe & secure every day!

I will never regret that I became the mom of my two children. It's been one of the biggest blessings of my life. And, I did have all that I needed to be a good mom... because I was totally dependent upon the Lord. Step by step & day by day, I sought God to help me. And, God delivered.

Holding a sleeping newborn brought me a joy like I'd never known. All those years ago, I'd been scared to play "mommy" for fear that I would be a bad mom. Time & God changed those fears to the freedom to trust God in each & every moment.

That realization so many years ago gave me the hope & courage to trust God in other times when I was feeling inadequate or ill-equipped.

His promises... 

That's why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:10

Linking this month with The Nesting Place

 for the 31-day Challenge

Painfully Insecure, Yet Full of Pride?

From my youngest days I remember being painfully insecure. As a young child I was just plain scrawny. I remember hearing my mom tell stories to guests at our house in Michigan (when I was 2-5 yrs old) about what a "colicky baby" I was. As I matured through childhood and into my teens, I grew taller but remained really thin - perhaps too thin! I remember kids making fun of how bony I was.

Well, those days have passed & no one seems to think I'm "too skinny" anymore. But, I never got over the feeling that physically I've never quite been quite up to par. Even into my early 20's, I felt like I needed to earn the acceptance of others. I was embarrassed about my appearance. I didn't feel smart enough. I didn't feel like I was particularly funny or talented in any way. I never felt like the popular kid in school. Growing up I was the "preacher's kid" in a small town &; not a safe friend to share secrets with or invite to the parties. For several years after high school, I wrote my own story in an attempt to be accepted & be a cool kid. Thankfully God's grace covered me during that time! Regardless of the number of friends I made & kept over the years though, I still felt like at any given moment they would figure out how "non-special" I was and just find a better friend.

By the grace of God & thanks to a wonderful Christian counselor, I processed many things in my late 20's and honestly began to claim the promises from God that are available to ALL of His children -- even the odd, skinny, untalented ones who were horrible colicky babies :) I stopped blaming past experiences for the way I was turning out. I began learning from experiences and moving on in a more positive direction.

Why then are there still pangs of hurt when I don't feel like the "cool kid" in my circle of peers? Is it something I've done? Are there just lots of qualities about me that people don't like? Am I not a good enough friend to keep for any length of time? Perhaps there's an expiration date on me as a friend - kind of like the expiration date on a carton of milk. When my mind goes to those types of thoughts and I question myself, I can't help but feel that some sense of self-pride must be at the root of it. But, how can I be so painfully insecure, yet so full of pride? Why can't I just concentrate on being what God wants me to be each day -- moment to moment without trying to figure out why I can't be the "cool kid"?

Intellectually & spiritually I understand that it's not about ME. But "ME" doesn't understand why I have to feel that way when at the same time I'm feeling that I'm following God's plan for my life. My life's focus shouldn't be on ME but on God. And, my heart wants my life to be about God. I'm never more at peace than when I know I am walking in accordance to His will. In Him I am complete!!

But, why does it still hurt? I don't really have the answer. So, in times of uncertainty & pain, I just trust that there's a higher purpose in it all. I take a leap of faith & claim that God is working in & through every situation as long as I'm trusting in & serving Him. I strive to serve Him, recognizing that every good gift is from Him as stated in James 1:17. I trust Him knowing that He loves & cherishes each of His children as promised in Jeremiah 31:3. 

It's on the hardest days that I find joy in the scriptures that reminds me of how short our time here on earth really is when compared to eternity. James 4:14 says: "How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—it's here a little while, then it's gone." I continue to take it moment by moment making every effort to be a reflection of Christ and do my little part to lift Him up before those around me. I claim promises like the one spoken by Christ in John 12:32: "And I, if I be lifted up from the earth, will draw all unto me."

For me, it's a daily commitment. It's a moment by moment promise. I will continue to search for and claim promises found in God's Word. I'll continue to take it one step at a time while my spirit hollers "Heaven, hurry up!"

"But you belong to God, my dear children. You have already won a victory over those people, because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world." 1 John 4:4

A NOTE ABOUT ME: If I had to choose ONE thing over anything as being of most importance to me, it would be my relationship with God (the Father, the Son & the Holy Spirit). That relationship is the basis of all my decisions, my dreams, my plans, my actions, etc. My relationship with God as His child is what guides me in my choices for all aspects of my life. It truly is what I hold most dear. With that said... PAINFULLY INSECURE, YET FULL OF PRIDE?

Linking with Ann Voskamp - A Holy Experience today...