Worst Year Ever!!!!!

Have you ever looked back on a long period of time (12 months or more) and said to yourself.... That was the WORST YEAR EVER! Have you ever been so very certain of something to only watch it implode in front of you? Have you cried out to God and earnestly pleaded for what you felt deeply was His will - something of which you believed to be His will all along. Have you cried out to Jesus... for Him to restore what was broken... for Him to show up mightily on behalf of hurting loved ones... for Him to soften hardened hearts & heal injured souls?

I was brought up in a "Christian" home. And, by that I mean... a family who walked the talk... a preacher's family where a daily, personal relationship with the Trinity (Father, Son & Holy Spirit) was taught and lived out. The choice for me to be a "believer" was more so for my family in my younger years. But over time, I came to understand, choose and grow into my very own personal relationship with Christ. 

Over the years I've experienced a peace that passes understanding through my faith (Philippians 4:7)... in times of death, disappointment, illness, hurt, loss of relationship, rejection, fear, and more. 

          * I walked the road of cancer with my father believing fully that at any moment God would heal Dad's earthly body and feeling the perfect will of God as I sat by my dad and heard his body let out it's last breath. It was a very hard year. But, in the end, my heart knew that what had happened was in God's perfect timing. 

          * I was lied to and betrayed by a person that I felt would always be a huge part of my life. It was years before I saw what a blessing that rejection had actually been for me & my future. 

          * I've lain awake many a night wondering about the safety of a dear, loved one. I've cried countless tears over the choices and their consequences from decisions made contrary to what I would have suggested. I've felt bullied, badgered & belittled for my feelings & faith in many of those times. I'm still waiting for some of those things to be resolved. But, I believe that they will.

          * And, I could go on...

My story probably isn't any different than most others. However, I've had the peace and assurance that God was at work in all situations... working for the best --- our best! Often that peace has been painful. I'm still confused about how certain things turned out. I still wonder if some of my prayers are being sent up in accordance to His will or just to heal the pain I experience. Each day is a new beginning of trusting & believing that it will all be fine, in the end.

So, for those out there who have had similar thoughts to... Worst Day Ever... Worst Week Ever... Worst Month Ever... WORST YEAR EVER, know that you are not alone in those feelings. Be encouraged that sometimes things are falling into place when you are certain they are falling apart.

A scripture that I cling to is... 

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” ‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:28‬ ‭NLT‬‬ http://bible.com/116/rom.8.28.nlt 

Some songs that have helped in times of struggle -- in the past year especially...

Alanna Story - I Won't Let Go

Casting Crowns - Oh My Soul 

Mercy Me - Even If 

Lauren Daigle - You Say 

Laura Story - Blessings

Hillsong United - So Will I 

Today... It Should Be Snowing...

The emotions were too raw the day I wrote this. I could not bear to publish it on that day. But, today I find myself missing & thinking about that friend who went HOME on December 6th... and is now made whole...

Today is cool & rainy. But, given my mood... it should be snowing today. It feels like winter. I feel like I need to hibernate in my home and come back out in the spring. My heart is full of emotions as I just learned from a dear friend that she will be turned over to hospice care next week.

I Like BIG CUPS...

It's Monday... the Monday after a week of spending time with family... with NO VOICE. Today is DAY 13 in the continuing saga of "Bacterial versus Viral - WHAT IN THE WORLD IS CAUSING THIS ILLNESS?!?!?" For the first time though in thirteen days, I woke up with a bit of a voice today. I sound more like a bull frog than a person. But, it's progress.

Day Six Being Mute

You've heard that said, right?

DAY SIX & I can't wait until my days aren't filled with these statements... 

1. "I don't know. Ask the MUTE one." FOLLOWED BY EVERYONE'S LAUGHTER - EXCEPT MY OWN!
2. "Wait! It looks like Mom is going to make an announcement." (whenever I pull my phone out to text something) FOLLOWED BY EVERYONE'S LAUGHTER - EXCEPT MY OWN!
3. "That deaf, dumb, blind girl... sure plays a mean pinball." FOLLOWED BY EVERYONE'S LAUGHTER - EXCEPT MY OWN!
4. "Speak up!!" FOLLOWED BY EVERYONE'S LAUGHTER - EXCEPT MY OWN!

This is the sixth morning

Give Thanks... In Everything??

I am thankful for friends, family,
faith, freedom, farmers, food
and so much more!

Recently, it seems like people in my community -- my family of friends -- are being reminded of the brevity & value of life itself. A 90-year old mentor & friend to many of us passed away over the weekend... on his 67th wedding anniversary. His battle with cancer was a fierce one. He left a grieving wife whose life has now taken a step into the unknown. 

A wonderful young mom didn't get the outcome, for which her heart cried, in a custody hearing a few weeks ago. Thanksgiving & Christmas won't be the same. The memories of past holidays will bring some comfort this year, as her prayers will plead for new memories to be made in the coming years with her precious children.

Just last night another dear friend learned the unexpected news

The Best Way Out

"Two Worlds II" (oil on canvas) by Jessica Bentley, Artist

Life is full of seasons. And, some of those seasons are grueling... shame, fear, grief, illness, insecurity, loss, persecution... and the list goes on. At times we feel paralyzed by what's happening in our world -- with those around us or what's happening to us -- inside our bodies or our minds. 

My first thought when facing a tough season has often been a question which is probably asked often by many people, "What's the fastest way to get through these seasons?" 

Seasons of Life - Stretching, Learning & Growing

I'm in the season of my life when I get to accompany a parent to health care visits. And, yesterday was one of those days. However, said "parent" is in a season of life where she does not want to listen to a thing I say - ha ha! The day was a little challenging... in that way. However, I would not have missed the time with my loved one. 

We laughed, talked, and reminisced. We enjoyed a leisurely lunch at an old mom & pops restaurant located in a 100+ year old building which was former a bank. We strolled through a small shop along the main street of that town & talked about fashion trends these days. I shared pics on my phone of our son's recent engagement at the State Park where we'd taken her & Dad on his last Christmas. We looked at pics of my g'daughter -- HER GREAT g'daughter -- and the adventures of hiking, playing & meeting Peg + Cat and Bob the Builder at a recent costume party.

Cancer + Coincidences = Peaceful Sleep

Can you tell how USED
this book is :)

I'd lost count of the nights trying to sleep on a chair in the waiting room or in the guest room at my parents house during my dad's battle with cancer that year. The unexpected hospital stays were happening more frequently & reminded me of the two months I'd spent in the hospital during my second pregnancy. Both times, when I was there & when my father was there, a constant parade of nurses, doctors, interns & staff members filled the days & nights with their visits. There always seemed to be many more questions than answers. Was I ever glad about my zeal for medical knowledge all those years ago in my high school & college days. That made it a little easier to understand their "medical jargon".

One night at the hospital, Dad took a turn for the worse

All You Need Is Love

There are times in life when you are... held between earth & heaven... with no words to speak... with only raw emotion to remind you that you are, in fact, still alive. The passing of a cherished loved one... cradling a newborn baby in your arms... hearing the diagnosis of a terminal illness... watching your child grow up to give birth to their own... being broken under the load of grief & sense of loss when a marriage dies...