Worst Year Ever!!!!!

Have you ever looked back on a long period of time (12 months or more) and said to yourself.... That was the WORST YEAR EVER! Have you ever been so very certain of something to only watch it implode in front of you? Have you cried out to God and earnestly pleaded for what you felt deeply was His will - something of which you believed to be His will all along. Have you cried out to Jesus... for Him to restore what was broken... for Him to show up mightily on behalf of hurting loved ones... for Him to soften hardened hearts & heal injured souls?

I was brought up in a "Christian" home. And, by that I mean... a family who walked the talk... a preacher's family where a daily, personal relationship with the Trinity (Father, Son & Holy Spirit) was taught and lived out. The choice for me to be a "believer" was more so for my family in my younger years. But over time, I came to understand, choose and grow into my very own personal relationship with Christ. 

Over the years I've experienced a peace that passes understanding through my faith (Philippians 4:7)... in times of death, disappointment, illness, hurt, loss of relationship, rejection, fear, and more. 

          * I walked the road of cancer with my father believing fully that at any moment God would heal Dad's earthly body and feeling the perfect will of God as I sat by my dad and heard his body let out it's last breath. It was a very hard year. But, in the end, my heart knew that what had happened was in God's perfect timing. 

          * I was lied to and betrayed by a person that I felt would always be a huge part of my life. It was years before I saw what a blessing that rejection had actually been for me & my future. 

          * I've lain awake many a night wondering about the safety of a dear, loved one. I've cried countless tears over the choices and their consequences from decisions made contrary to what I would have suggested. I've felt bullied, badgered & belittled for my feelings & faith in many of those times. I'm still waiting for some of those things to be resolved. But, I believe that they will.

          * And, I could go on...

My story probably isn't any different than most others. However, I've had the peace and assurance that God was at work in all situations... working for the best --- our best! Often that peace has been painful. I'm still confused about how certain things turned out. I still wonder if some of my prayers are being sent up in accordance to His will or just to heal the pain I experience. Each day is a new beginning of trusting & believing that it will all be fine, in the end.

So, for those out there who have had similar thoughts to... Worst Day Ever... Worst Week Ever... Worst Month Ever... WORST YEAR EVER, know that you are not alone in those feelings. Be encouraged that sometimes things are falling into place when you are certain they are falling apart.

A scripture that I cling to is... 

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” ‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:28‬ ‭NLT‬‬ http://bible.com/116/rom.8.28.nlt 

Some songs that have helped in times of struggle -- in the past year especially...

Alanna Story - I Won't Let Go

Casting Crowns - Oh My Soul 

Mercy Me - Even If 

Lauren Daigle - You Say 

Laura Story - Blessings

Hillsong United - So Will I 

Confessions No. 1 - Theft

I started a post the other day about confessions & then a song wrecked me for the day and the post wasn't completed. Well, I'm thinking that it probably sounded incomplete to others. However, the writing experience was very cleansing for me. I'm hesitant to put that song on today as I write. It could all happen again.

SO on to...

Confession 1. I stole a candy bar from a hardware store in Hickory, NC when I was 6 years old.

Well, that might not sound all that bad to you. But, I need to start somewhere, right?

Confessions

I have a few confessions to make... to my friends... to my family... to my peers. It's not easy to know where to begin. And, confessions open you wide to the judgement & scrutiny of others - not just to the ones you expect to be a safe place. Confessing in my private conversations with the God I've chosen to honor & serve can be tough -- especially when I let my pride get in the way. However, confessing to a God whom I believe loves me unconditionally is nothing compared to openly sharing my confessions by writing them down on paper... actually putting them out on the internet through this little blog... where anyone can read them. Not only the ones who love & accept me can read them. But, the ones who don't really care for me all that much can also see them & possibly solidify their reasons for "not really liking her all that much". 

That SATURDAY Feeling!

I've been thinking a lot about SATURDAY this week... it seems to get over-looked in the story of Easter. And, many people in this world are living in the "Saturday" right now -- feeling as though the "Saturday" will never end. There are so many things which plague us in this fallen world:

• grief
• shame
• poverty
• guilt
• loneliness
• insecurity
• despair
• pain (physical, emotional, etc.)
• human trafficking
• sorrow
• depression
• persecution
• loss

Many know that Sunday is coming... but aren't feeling it at all! Seasons of brokenness can feel overwhelming & without end. Times of hopelessness can nearly consume us. Grief & pain can break us down, robbing us of the strength we need for even the simplest things in life. Many things can make us afraid to take chances again or take another path. And, it's easy to allow our poor choices or weaknesses to cause us to begin believing we don't even deserve a better life. Often we can become so weary from the battle that we want to throw in the towel... and just give up. We want to cry out "it is finished" without a glimmer of hope.

I can't imagine how the SATURDAY after Christ's crucifixion must have felt to so many. It had to be a day of much anguish... questioning... fear. I wonder about those who'd stood by the side of Jesus as he spoke the words to bring Lazarus back to life... to bring the daughter of Jairus back to life. I wonder if those people even considered the possibility that their Lord could also come back to life? Or were they overwhelmed with the knowledge of what was at that very moment. There was a separation on that day. And, that separation was horrible. 

I was able to capture this photo during the Good Friday service at
my church which was lead by Alanna Story.
What a blessing that service was!!

YES... I've been thinking a lot about SATURDAY this week... and about how so many people in this world are living in the "Saturday" right now. May our hearts be moved to walk alongside those who are going through that "Saturday" feeling.

"They will mock him, spit on him, flog him with a whip and kill him, but after 3 days he will rise again." Mark 10:34

#JoyDare No. 2497. reflecting on SATURDAY

Full Participation!!

I'm in the process of writing a note to my sisters about our sweet, little "GLAMdaughter". Tomorrow will be her Half Birthday (as her Mommy calls it)... 6 months old!!  I'll accompany her & her Mommy to a breast feeding support group sponsored by the local hospital to get her weighed & measured tonight. Only then will I be ready to send out my note! We're pretty sure she's broken the 16 pound mark :)

 

Waiting for the praise to start.
Getting there early to get a great seat for our little one :)

As I wrote, I was telling them about how A totally gets IN to the worship service each Sunday at our church. She yells out, waves her arms, kicks her feet -- all while smiling a huge toothless smile! I stated, "She totally wears herself out in worship." 

 

As I wrote those words, I had the thought of how incredibly pleasing that would be to God if we each did that!

 

I pray that I will give my ALL as I worship Him - whether in a church service or at a small gathering of friends or sitting beside a firefly-lit soybean field at night in the middle of nowhere! 

Found this picture from a few weeks ago and just had to add it on today...

"She totally wears herself out in worship."

How do YOU worship?

Linking with Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts Community...