Do You Like Your Life Ruthann?

It's a little past seven in the evening and, I'm sitting here on the patio beside our cement pond eating leftovers for dinner. The rest of the family won't be home for several hours. The day has finally cooled down enough to be able to enjoy being outside. Beside me is a pool that has an eerie yellow-green tint to it thanks to the mustard algae we've been battling all summer. Earlier today I brushed down the sides of the pool to try to get the cleaning process started again. I'm surrounded by a wooden fence that's rotten and falling down in many places. A big portion of it is now replaced with staked up chicken wire. There's mismatched patio furniture all around me - many of the pieces held together, no doubt, by rust. Assorted hand-me-downs: play sets, swings and slides, that I vowed would never clutter up my yard, abound.

That SATURDAY Feeling!

I've been thinking a lot about SATURDAY this week... it seems to get over-looked in the story of Easter. And, many people in this world are living in the "Saturday" right now -- feeling as though the "Saturday" will never end. There are so many things which plague us in this fallen world:

• grief
• shame
• poverty
• guilt
• loneliness
• insecurity
• despair
• pain (physical, emotional, etc.)
• human trafficking
• sorrow
• depression
• persecution
• loss

Many know that Sunday is coming... but aren't feeling it at all! Seasons of brokenness can feel overwhelming & without end. Times of hopelessness can nearly consume us. Grief & pain can break us down, robbing us of the strength we need for even the simplest things in life. Many things can make us afraid to take chances again or take another path. And, it's easy to allow our poor choices or weaknesses to cause us to begin believing we don't even deserve a better life. Often we can become so weary from the battle that we want to throw in the towel... and just give up. We want to cry out "it is finished" without a glimmer of hope.

I can't imagine how the SATURDAY after Christ's crucifixion must have felt to so many. It had to be a day of much anguish... questioning... fear. I wonder about those who'd stood by the side of Jesus as he spoke the words to bring Lazarus back to life... to bring the daughter of Jairus back to life. I wonder if those people even considered the possibility that their Lord could also come back to life? Or were they overwhelmed with the knowledge of what was at that very moment. There was a separation on that day. And, that separation was horrible. 

I was able to capture this photo during the Good Friday service at
my church which was lead by Alanna Story.
What a blessing that service was!!

YES... I've been thinking a lot about SATURDAY this week... and about how so many people in this world are living in the "Saturday" right now. May our hearts be moved to walk alongside those who are going through that "Saturday" feeling.

"They will mock him, spit on him, flog him with a whip and kill him, but after 3 days he will rise again." Mark 10:34

#JoyDare No. 2497. reflecting on SATURDAY

Morn Shall Tearless Be

Photo credit T. Getz

"Then God said, “I am giving you a sign of my covenant with you and with all living creatures, for all generations to come. I have placed my rainbow in the clouds. It is the sign of my covenant with you and with all the earth."  Genesis 9:12-13 

A few initial facts: 

• ... my parents played music on the record player (yeah, I'm that old) as my sisters & I were going to sleep most nights
• ... I am viscerally moved by music & lyrics - comforted in times of pain, encouraged in times of uncertainty, quieted in times of turmoil, etc.
• ... when music is paired with TRUTH, I'm often -- undone
• ... I look for ways to get as much music as possible in my normal day-to-day life 

I have a smart-phone and choose songs from my playlist instead of alarm tones for almost ALL of my alarms -- especially the alarms for waking up! My most frequently chosen song for my wake-up alarm is "O Love That Will Not Let Me Go." The version that is on my phone (and iPod) is the one recorded by Bryan Duncan on "Quiet Prayers" which was released in the "My Utmost for His Highest" CD set. Now that we have a little one living in our household, she gets to hear that song a lot.

At various seasons of life, certain stanzas of that song pop out to me. Since I've battled depression & anxiety most of my life, I'd have to say that the following stanza is probably my all time favorite:

Oh JOY that seekest me through pain 

I cannot close my heart to Thee

I trace the rainbow through the rain

And feel the promise is not vain that morn' shall tearless be

I just love the image of JOY seeking me -- no matter what is happening in my life. I have felt that JOY seek me when I have been hiding in my pain. It's something that has helped me go on when I've felt there's no way I could. How did someone come up with those words that bring me to my knees filling me with strength, hope & peace?

George Matheson wrote the lyrics in 1882 and said this about the song:

My hymn was com­posed in the manse of In­ne­lan [Ar­gyle­shire, Scot­land] on the ev­en­ing of the 6th of June, 1882, when I was 40 years of age. I was alone in the manse at that time. It was the night of my sister’s mar­ri­age, and the rest of the fam­i­ly were stay­ing over­night in Glas­gow. Some­thing hap­pened to me, which was known only to my­self, and which caused me the most se­vere men­tal suf­fer­ing. The hymn was the fruit of that suf­fer­ing. It was the quick­est bit of work I ever did in my life. I had the im­press­ion of hav­ing it dic­tat­ed to me by some in­ward voice ra­ther than of work­ing it out my­self. I am quite sure that the whole work was com­plet­ed in five min­utes, and equal­ly sure that it ne­ver re­ceived at my hands any re­touch­ing or cor­rect­ion. I have no na­tur­al gift of rhy­thm. All the other vers­es I have ever writ­ten are man­u­fact­ured ar­ti­cles; this came like a day­spring from on high.

Some nights I lay awake & ask the hard questions of God. He whispers to me, "Sleep my child. I am at work on these things." Some mornings I awake & my eyes begin to fill with tears as I remember the struggles I face or the struggles faced by ones I hold close to my heart. God whispers to me & reminds me that He is at work in all of it - even now. In the times my mind questions... may my heart speak the words of the Psalmist:

"I trust in your unfailing love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me." Psalm 13:5 

O Love That Will Not Let Me Go... sung by the Gaither Vocal Band:

O Love that will not let me go, I rest my weary soul in thee; I give thee back the life I owe, That in thine ocean depths its flow; May richer, fuller be. 

O light that followest all my way, I yield my flickering torch to thee; My heart restores its borrowed ray, That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day; May brighter, fairer be. 

O Joy that seekest me through pain, I cannot close my heart to thee; I trace the rainbow through the rain, And feel the promise is not vain, That morn shall tearless be. 

O Cross that liftest up my head, I dare not ask to fly from thee; I lay in dust life’s glory dead, And from the ground there blossoms red; Life that shall endless be.

 

Linking with Ann Voskamp - A Holy Experience today...

 

Who knew I was this strong?

What a week this has been. The nation cried out in anguish at the senseless terrorizing of the Boston Marathon participants & the Boston community. With the apprehension of the second suspect, there was a slight sense of relief. And, this tragedy has once again reminded us that... there's still a lot to be learned. 

My week began with a bang. My heart sank as I walked through some pretty scary things for a few days with a loved one. I was reminded that I have no control over many of the things that happen in my life & in the lives of those I hold dear. I only have control

When Dreams Die

"Yes, it is cancer."
     "We are getting divorced."
          "It's time to turn him/her over to hospice care."
               "The baby didn't make it."

When you hear words you prayed you'd never hear... 

and you have no idea what to say when you pray... 

and you can't possibly conceive how good can come from "this". 

When you want to wrap yourself in a blanket and never leave home... and never utter a sound beyond the walls of your mind. 

When you feel the pain in a loved one's heart but, have no comfort to give... and see the hopelessness in the eyes of another but are no longer regarded as a source of hope by that loved one. 

When dreams are shattered... when dreams die... hope can only be found in resurrection -- new life, after death. Hope can only be felt if you believe in & expectantly look for miracles. 

When you are stubborn in believing in & expecting miracles, you wrap yourself in the blanket...

of God's love...

and, you wait... expectantly!

photo by T. Getz

Shared with the Ann Voskamp Community on Wednesday, 9/19/12

Life in a Puddle

Today I am beyond... beyond, beyond.  It's one of those days where the struggle has devoured so much of my strength that I lie in a puddle at the feet of the One who created all life. The One who gives the strength we need for the day, a peace that passes all understanding & unconditional love beyond measure. I lie there lifeless & still with eyes wide opened awaiting the miracle. It's one of those days when I'm so worn out from the struggle that I just moan & let the Holy Spirit put words to my sounds for the Father - who hears all, knows all, understands all. Today I question the words I felt led to pray a few weeks ago on a very similar day. Yet, I mouth those words in obedience.

It's always perspective...
sometimes the smoke get in the way!

I blindly, yet boldly, claim the "miracle" to come of this rubble. It's more of an obedience to what I know & believe than a response to how I feel. Isn't that what we're asked to do as Christ followers? Haven't we seen it over & over again in the "rear view mirror" of our lives?  The burning rubble makes way for new growth.  The burning rubble warns others of what could be. The burning rubble creates a cloud blocking the light of the sun -- the light of the Son.  But, the Son is ever present amidst the burning rubble.

In expecting a miracle from this mess, there's a moment of peace from the struggle.  There's a soft breeze of fresh air. There's a flicker of hope. There's a hint of a better day to come. There's a reminder that all my planning, fretting, questioning -- will add nothing to what God is working on behind the scenes.

So, I lie here in a puddle at the feet of the One who wastes nothing of life's experiences but, makes all things new.  If you have to lie somewhere - in a puddle - I can't think of a better place.

"... the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don't know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words." Romans 8:26

A Picture of HOPE

I've inserted a picture of HOPE in my life - this week. Those who know my personal story know that we've been going through quite a journey lately. So many people are silently going through journeys that test them, try them and nearly tear them apart. It's not uncommon.

I'm so thankful for a few trusted individuals who are making this journey with me. It's foolish to face life's struggles alone! The Lord has remained faithful to us beyond understanding. And, I have learned so many things from the journey & seen so many ways God is using it to bring glory to Him!! 

But, I've gotten to the point where I don't even really know how to pray... should this happen... or this happen... or this not happen... and on and on. I can honestly say that I totally relate to and understand Romans 8:26:

"And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don't know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words."

Our daughter was asked to do a painting to be used in the Silent Auction at our church's Women's Ministries event on Nov 19, 2011: "A Very MARY Christmas".  She wanted ideas of what to paint. But, I suggested she review the website to see what the event was all about.

What she came up with filled me with a new sense of hope for what I have been facing and also with a sense of hope for others in my life who are struggling with something or looking ahead at uncertain times.  For me, it was a picture of HOPE!

I was once again reminded that the joy I have... comes from within. I believe that it's the real JOY -- which can come only from God. You could say this was a coincidence. But, I feel that God also placed a great quote right in front of me on the same day that I saw the completed painting. This quote rings so true for me:

"Find a place inside where there's joy. And, the joy will burn out the pain." ~ Joseph Campbell

Joseph Campbell's words sounded like God had spoken them to my heart that day. And once again, I am reminded of a favorite verse:

"In the midst of the anxieties within me, 

Your comforts, O God, delight my soul." 

Psalm 94:19

(written 11-16-11 - published 12-9-16 that's how LIFE goes) 

A Thousand Things Are Happening in This One Thing

I have a friend whom I met through a former job, AU & North Anderson Church of God (now Madison Park). She's a wife, a mother, a friend... a singer and a song writer... a Christ follower! Her name is Christa Wells. One of her songs, that I totally LOVE, continues to speak to me as I face challenges and as others face challenges. In the past 3-4 years especially, I have cried myself to sleep on numerous occasions.  Perhaps it will speak to YOU in what you are experiencing now. The song is "A Thousand Things." You can access it through iTunes. You can also listen to it for free on her site if that doesn't work. It's also available to download through Amazon.com. There are a few lines that just knock me off my feet :) God is ALWAYS at work in EVERY situation. He can bring GOOD from any mess... and, my life has been & is currently a mess! Wrap yourself in His promises!

This was photo was taken by a dear friend, T. Getz.  His words... "I've just witnessed something for the first time in my life...a perfect rainbow, in some portions even double, completely reflected in the dark water of the river...a 360 degree rainbow! It was very difficult to shoot because it was changing constantly and my little lens couldn't capture it in one shot. This shot is stitched, albeit crudely, from about 6 separate images. That is why the rainbow is a bit pointed at the top.
The real version was much more stunning. What a covenant!" 

A THOUSAND THINGS 
You’re gonna cry yourself to sleep
You’re gonna soak the pillow for many weeks
You’re gonna cry Why? Why me?
But in spite of the ache that doesn’t go away
You’ll be sharing your story one rainy day
And at the next table somebody catches your words
He hears a truth that he’s never heard
He takes it back to the marriage he’d given up on
Hands it down to his daughter who writes it into song
You didn’t know

A thousand things are happening in this one thing
Like a thousand fields nourished by a single drop of rain
So honey, wrap yourself in promise while you wait the morning light
A thousand things are happening tonight


You’re gonna cry yourself to sleep
‘cause for the moment all that you can see
Is what you’ve lost, lost Why me?

But in the midst of the most exquisite pain
you’re drawn into a peace that you cannot explain
and the praises you sing of a sovereign God
reach the girl whose last hope is gone
she never thought there was purpose in anything here
now the seed has been planted and it’s taking root there
You didn’t know


A thousand things are happening in this one thing
Like a thousand fields nourished by a single drop of rain
So honey, wrap yourself in promise while you wait the morning light
A thousand things are happening tonight
A thousand things are happening tonight


You’re gonna cry yourself to sleep
A thousand miracles you’ll have to wait and see

Christa has written many other great songs. She won Gospel Music Awards 2006 "Songwriter of the Year" for "Held", which was sung by Natalie Grant. Some of the lyrics: "... this is how it feels when the sacred has been torn from your life and you survive... this is what it means to be held..." 

HELD


Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling


Who told us we'd be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares
We're asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, it's unfair


[Chorus]
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held


This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow

[Chorus]
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held

[Bridge]


If hope is born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait, for one hour
Watching for our savior


[Chorus]


This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held
We'd be held

This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held

This is what it means to be held.....


I hope you enjoy these songs. They are so very reassuring of God's promises to us and His faithfulness to keep those promises!

Shared with the Ann Voskamp 1000 Gifts community on Sept 26, 2012