Worst Year Ever!!!!!

Have you ever looked back on a long period of time (12 months or more) and said to yourself.... That was the WORST YEAR EVER! Have you ever been so very certain of something to only watch it implode in front of you? Have you cried out to God and earnestly pleaded for what you felt deeply was His will - something of which you believed to be His will all along. Have you cried out to Jesus... for Him to restore what was broken... for Him to show up mightily on behalf of hurting loved ones... for Him to soften hardened hearts & heal injured souls?

I was brought up in a "Christian" home. And, by that I mean... a family who walked the talk... a preacher's family where a daily, personal relationship with the Trinity (Father, Son & Holy Spirit) was taught and lived out. The choice for me to be a "believer" was more so for my family in my younger years. But over time, I came to understand, choose and grow into my very own personal relationship with Christ. 

Over the years I've experienced a peace that passes understanding through my faith (Philippians 4:7)... in times of death, disappointment, illness, hurt, loss of relationship, rejection, fear, and more. 

          * I walked the road of cancer with my father believing fully that at any moment God would heal Dad's earthly body and feeling the perfect will of God as I sat by my dad and heard his body let out it's last breath. It was a very hard year. But, in the end, my heart knew that what had happened was in God's perfect timing. 

          * I was lied to and betrayed by a person that I felt would always be a huge part of my life. It was years before I saw what a blessing that rejection had actually been for me & my future. 

          * I've lain awake many a night wondering about the safety of a dear, loved one. I've cried countless tears over the choices and their consequences from decisions made contrary to what I would have suggested. I've felt bullied, badgered & belittled for my feelings & faith in many of those times. I'm still waiting for some of those things to be resolved. But, I believe that they will.

          * And, I could go on...

My story probably isn't any different than most others. However, I've had the peace and assurance that God was at work in all situations... working for the best --- our best! Often that peace has been painful. I'm still confused about how certain things turned out. I still wonder if some of my prayers are being sent up in accordance to His will or just to heal the pain I experience. Each day is a new beginning of trusting & believing that it will all be fine, in the end.

So, for those out there who have had similar thoughts to... Worst Day Ever... Worst Week Ever... Worst Month Ever... WORST YEAR EVER, know that you are not alone in those feelings. Be encouraged that sometimes things are falling into place when you are certain they are falling apart.

A scripture that I cling to is... 

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” ‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:28‬ ‭NLT‬‬ http://bible.com/116/rom.8.28.nlt 

Some songs that have helped in times of struggle -- in the past year especially...

Alanna Story - I Won't Let Go

Casting Crowns - Oh My Soul 

Mercy Me - Even If 

Lauren Daigle - You Say 

Laura Story - Blessings

Hillsong United - So Will I 

Crazy Control! - 31 DAYS OF CRAZY - 26 October 2012

My life's out of control lately. And, I don't like it. I have a theory about this topic of CONTROL. My thoughts... if & when a person experiences some sort of trauma from not having control over what happens to them in a certain situation, relationship or time in their life they can easily go forward in life trying to control WAY TOO MANY things! And, their ways to control things might not result in what's best for them in the long run.  

I experienced a time in my life when I was victimized by an authority figure.  Being a child at that time, I tried to understand WHY. And, the only thing that I could come up with at that time was that I had somehow allowed, and possibly encouraged, that situation to happen. I vowed to never let anything like that happen again. And, I vowed that I would always be IN CONTROL.

But, as the years passed & experiences shed a new light on life, I began to see that there are many things in life which are beyond control. This realization was quite troubling to me initially. In truth, it calls out to me still from the back of my mind. But, one statement that my mom always said to me & which always brought a cringe to my being was, "Life is not fair. God is fair."  

Put on salvation as your helmet,
and take the sword of the Spirit,
which is the word of God.

I'm probably weaker than most but, I seriously do not know how I would cope with this desire to CONTROL things if it were not for the constant reminders I intentionally place in front of my eyes daily.  The Serenity Prayer is often quoted & memorized to help us lessen our grip on the need to control. It's very helpful!

DO YOU BATTLE THIS NEED TO CONTROL THINGS?  

HOW DOES IT AFFECT YOUR LIFE?  

WHAT DO YOU DO TO SLAY THE BEAST?  

I rely on some pretty powerful promises in... 

His Word: 

(got this idea from Chase Tibbs' blog; using it because i love the words of God)

• I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world." John 16:33
• "We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation." Romans 5:3-4 NLT
• "We know that we are children of God and that the world around us is under the control of the evil one." 1 John 5:19 NLT

Go check out over 1200 topics
in the 31 days {of change} with...

And what of the children who KNOW no love?

As a mom, I've placed a lot of hope (and weight) in MY efforts to love my children & bring them up in the knowledge of the Lord. I've reasoned with myself that I did all I could do, as they've made choices outside of my will.  And, I've taken more comfort from that than I probably should have!  But, as I thought about my effort, this occurred to me"

" ...what of the children who KNOW no love?"  

Photo by Joakim Eskildsen for TIME Magazine 

Do they stand less of a chance for a full life? Did my human efforts give my children a better chance than children who are not loved?  What HAPPENS to the children who know no love... the orphans, the child slaves, the abused children, the neglected children, the abandoned children... ?

(photo credit)

I guess I'm slow with the things of the Lord.  And, I was a bit surprised with the idea that MY efforts weren't necessarily what paved the way for my children to live full lives.  I've loved a scripture from my childhood days (perhaps because it mentioned HORSES)...

"Some trust in horses, some trust in chariots. We trust in the name of the mighty Lord." Psalm 20:7   

But... do I really?

As I take a closer look at my past, I recognize that I've trusted more in my efforts & mainly depended on God to have my back.  I robbed myself of joy as I suffered unnecessarily. I put God in a box... for "back-up love" in the times when I couldn't make it on my own.

It's been said, "When all you have is God, you find that God is all you need."  So, those who only have GOD on their side... they have all they need.  God's always present -- with or without recognition or understanding of who He is. God walks beside every person, patiently waiting for their hearts & eyes to be opened to him.  And, God protects while they are coming to a closer understanding & knowledge of Him.

I believe God expects each of us to give our best effort at everything we do.  But, I also believe that it's not a guarantee for a perfect outcome.  I believe God's love covers all equally.  He's the giver of all good gifts.  So, if we are doing our part, we are just helping extend one of His gifts.

(A follow up to Where Can They Go)

Shared with the Ann Voskamp 1000 Gifts Community on 10/03/12

Broken People

Life is messy. Bad things happen. People get broken. But, what happens next?

Some people mend. Some people don't.

Often scars knit together the broken parts and the journey to wholeness begins. Struggles can make us stronger - similar to the strengthening of wings for flight which happens as a butterfly fights it's way out of the cocoon.