DO NOT POST THIS

I need to vent... but, feel as though I can't really talk with anyone about exactly what I'm thinking. I feel like most people don't get me. I'm overwhelmed with what we are privately processing in our little family right now. I want prayers more than words from friends, peers and acquaintances. Encouraging quotes about change, doors opening, new adventures, etc. are great. But, there's always another eloquent quote that seems to give the opposite view. I believe so many of the encouraging quotes I see. As a matter of fact, I seem to be sharing them with myself & the stuckinindiana communities a LOT in this season.

For more years than I like to admit, I've battled

My Friend Will Be Healed

The past 5 to 6 weeks have flown by, although sometimes in slow motion. Is that even possible? In one way I feel as though it was yesterday when I was sitting beside my friend and laughing about things we'd said or done in the past. In another way I feel as though months have gone by without me being present to what was happening around me in other areas of my life.

In the middle of the summer, my friend was diagnosed with advanced stages of pancreatic cancer. It had gone undetected for several years. Tests showed that it had spread to her liver. After conversations with several doctors, she made the decision not to chemotherapy or radiation treatments -- as they were not expected to rid her body of the cancer. We went for about 5-6 weeks celebrating the fact that her "numbers were down". Anyone who has walked this journey of a loved one fighting the dreaded C disease knows all about "numbers being up" and "numbers being down."

The Best Way Out

"Two Worlds II" (oil on canvas) by Jessica Bentley, Artist

Life is full of seasons. And, some of those seasons are grueling... shame, fear, grief, illness, insecurity, loss, persecution... and the list goes on. At times we feel paralyzed by what's happening in our world -- with those around us or what's happening to us -- inside our bodies or our minds. 

My first thought when facing a tough season has often been a question which is probably asked often by many people, "What's the fastest way to get through these seasons?" 

When the Fog Rolls In

The open spaces around my home are being swallowed up by a cold, rainy mist even now, as I write these words. I could see it coming from the fields. I put on a coat & my "muck boots" and ran out with smart phone in hand to capture the mysterious takeover by "Mother Nature." I stood in wonder as the mist rolled over the fields toward me.

A half a mile to the west, the house & out-buildings seemed to melt away. Glancing quickly to the east, I could clearly see Minnie Belle's house & the barns. Her family settled here nearly 100 years ago. Her husband has gone ahead & remaining loved ones, who've since moved into town, come to check on her daily. Her fields are farmed by hired workers now. And, the animal barns stand empty.

In the time it took to think about my neighbor to the east, a cool mist brushed my face. As I turned to look back southwest toward the coming fog, I could barely see a few yards in front of me. A glance to the right gave me maybe 30 feet of clarity. Another glance to the left gave only a hint of Minnie Belle's farm. In a moment everything seemed to have been swallowed up by mist moving over the snow-covered fields. I stood there in silence & gathered my thoughts.

What a picture this was of my life. Things seem to be clear & tangible one moment. I feel as though I can see what's coming down the road. I take false comfort in that "knowing". Then everything seems to disappear into thin air. It's a great picture of what our earthly lives are like, according to God's Word, and a great reminder that we need not worry about our tomorrows.

"How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—it's here a little while, then it's gone." James 4:14

Just as the fog prevented me from seeing my surroundings, circumstances in life often prevent me from seeing what is really happening in those situations. And in the moments when I am unable to see, I need to trust for direction to come beyond myself. A loving God is always willing to take my hand & lead me... or take my hand & give comfort as I wait for the fog to clear.

“And now, indeed, the hand of the Lord is upon you, and you shall be blind, not seeing the sun for a time. And immediately a dark mist fell on him, and he went around seeking someone to lead him by the hand." Acts 13:11

Today, as I stood motionless -- engulfed in the fog... I gave thanks for the reminders whispered to me, once again, by a faithful & loving Father.

"Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see." Hebrews 11:1

Linking with Ann Voskamp - A Holy Experience today...

NOTE: Due to a small book club group for women started in 2012 by a friend at my church, I actually picked up & read Ann Voskamp's book, One Thousand Gifts, in early 2012. I began listing gifts then & am planning to continue for years to come. It's a WONDERFUL way to remind myself of God's tender loving care for & faithfulness to me -- and to all his children! I've always been one to get super excited about the little things from God - seeing a mother deer & her fawns while out walking early in the morning, the way the clouds look on a cold -- but sunny -- winter day, the lighting or angle I was able to catch in a photo, the quiet snoring/breathing of the LOML as he sleeps beside me, new fuzzy socks or slippers, an apple right off my tree, etc. Often times my descriptions make no sense to anyone by me & God. So, I decided to expand upon those thoughts in a few posts. So... for today... 

#JoyDare No. 2323. rolling fog

Thankful Thoughts

This year during the Macy's
Thanksgiving Day Parade!

Oh the difference a year can make...

This vary moment, I sit by a sleeping beautiful 10 month old baby girl. I'm watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. She watched for a little bit. Then it was nap time for her :) A year ago, I watched the parade with her. But, that was when she was, as I will describe as, ON THE INSIDE :)  

This year, I sit in the downstairs family room with our daughter (her sleeping baby), our son & his girlfriend and the LOML watching the parade. Last year, it was the same group joined by Uncle Greg & Aunt Justine. AND, we were ALL watching from our master bedroom... with the FOUR ADULTS sitting in the king sized bed.

Last year during the Macy's
Thanksgiving Day Parade!

This year, our home dynamic includes an adult daughter & her baby living with us. Last year, we were entering into the land of the unknown.

This year, we don't really know what the future holds for our new little family member or any of us. Last year, we didn't know either.

Two things which remain the same.... we have no idea what the future will bring & we have no fear for the future. I guess I'm only officially authorized to speak for myself. My hope is in the One who hangs the stars and holds me in the palm of His hand. A verse in the Bible perfectly describes how I feel...

This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast... Hebrews 6:19

One of my favorite lines I've spoken while playing various characters in A Christmas Carol at our church is...

There's always HOPE!

This year marks our 21st year of production of the classic Dicken's tale. Wish you could come see it. I happen to think that Bob Cratchit this year is so handsome!!!

Linking with Ann Voskamp - A Holy Experience today...

Captivity & Oppression

Lions & Tigers & Bears... OH MY! 

What a title for a blog post, "Captivity & Oppression". 

Who would want to read something with that title? But, alas, I write from the heart & from what I know. And lately, I've been feeling a lot of captivity & oppression!

There are so many things going on in my life lately which have prompted spontaneous blog entries - living now as unpublished drafts. But, I'll need to wait until there's "more water under the bridge" before those entries get published :/ I wrote one late the other night entitled: "Hostage in My Own Home." I have no idea when that post will be cleaned up & published. But, it sure did feel good to put my feelings down on paper, so to speak. I've almost felt oppressed at times by many of the things happening around me. One of the scriptures I cited today reminded me of that blog entry & encouraged me to claim that Jesus was sent to proclaim that the captives & oppressed would be set free. I'm reminded today that life's circumstances & the choices of others in my life have no hold on my personal freedom. My freedom comes through Christ & was guaranteed when He took my sins upon the cross.

"The Spirit of the LORD is upon me, for he has anointed me to bring Good News to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim that captives will be released, that the blind will see, that the oppressed will be set free, and that the time of the LORD's favor has come." 
Luke 4:18-19

My challenge to you out there who call yourself by the name of Christ follower... walk in the knowledge that, no matter what, we are FREE IN CHRIST. With the recognition of that knowledge, how can we not be seen by other as "salt & light" in this world.

As for me, I'm standing up to the scary animals in my life & claiming the scripture...

You are of God, little children, and have overcome them,

because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.

1 John 4:4 

Who knew I was this strong?

What a week this has been. The nation cried out in anguish at the senseless terrorizing of the Boston Marathon participants & the Boston community. With the apprehension of the second suspect, there was a slight sense of relief. And, this tragedy has once again reminded us that... there's still a lot to be learned. 

My week began with a bang. My heart sank as I walked through some pretty scary things for a few days with a loved one. I was reminded that I have no control over many of the things that happen in my life & in the lives of those I hold dear. I only have control

Crazy Control! - 31 DAYS OF CRAZY - 26 October 2012

My life's out of control lately. And, I don't like it. I have a theory about this topic of CONTROL. My thoughts... if & when a person experiences some sort of trauma from not having control over what happens to them in a certain situation, relationship or time in their life they can easily go forward in life trying to control WAY TOO MANY things! And, their ways to control things might not result in what's best for them in the long run.  

I experienced a time in my life when I was victimized by an authority figure.  Being a child at that time, I tried to understand WHY. And, the only thing that I could come up with at that time was that I had somehow allowed, and possibly encouraged, that situation to happen. I vowed to never let anything like that happen again. And, I vowed that I would always be IN CONTROL.

But, as the years passed & experiences shed a new light on life, I began to see that there are many things in life which are beyond control. This realization was quite troubling to me initially. In truth, it calls out to me still from the back of my mind. But, one statement that my mom always said to me & which always brought a cringe to my being was, "Life is not fair. God is fair."  

Put on salvation as your helmet,
and take the sword of the Spirit,
which is the word of God.

I'm probably weaker than most but, I seriously do not know how I would cope with this desire to CONTROL things if it were not for the constant reminders I intentionally place in front of my eyes daily.  The Serenity Prayer is often quoted & memorized to help us lessen our grip on the need to control. It's very helpful!

DO YOU BATTLE THIS NEED TO CONTROL THINGS?  

HOW DOES IT AFFECT YOUR LIFE?  

WHAT DO YOU DO TO SLAY THE BEAST?  

I rely on some pretty powerful promises in... 

His Word: 

(got this idea from Chase Tibbs' blog; using it because i love the words of God)

• I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world." John 16:33
• "We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation." Romans 5:3-4 NLT
• "We know that we are children of God and that the world around us is under the control of the evil one." 1 John 5:19 NLT

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