DO NOT POST THIS

I need to vent... but, feel as though I can't really talk with anyone about exactly what I'm thinking. I feel like most people don't get me. I'm overwhelmed with what we are privately processing in our little family right now. I want prayers more than words from friends, peers and acquaintances. Encouraging quotes about change, doors opening, new adventures, etc. are great. But, there's always another eloquent quote that seems to give the opposite view. I believe so many of the encouraging quotes I see. As a matter of fact, I seem to be sharing them with myself & the stuckinindiana communities a LOT in this season.

For more years than I like to admit, I've battled

Listen, Trust and Obey

Today, and in this season of my life, I am focusing on three words:

• Listen
• Trust
• Obey

I am repeating them to myself frequently... in that order. And, I'm reviewing what

Our Chautauqua Adventure - Journal Entry July 8

Posting this from a journal entry written the summer of 2014.... because I FIND JOY IN... looking back on tough times & seeing God's faithfulness through the entire experience...

A day in the life of our Chautauqua Adventure - Summer of 2014 - July 8  (all pics from 7-8-14)

There are openings here in CHQ throughout the remainder of the summer -- EXCEPT that one week. Ken Burns will be here that week. If you can come any other time than Week 7 there should be no problem finding housing :) We are just in the beginning of Week 4.

Trust the Engineer

"When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark,
you don't throw away the ticket and jump off.
You sit still and trust the engineer."
~ Corrie ten Boom

I've learned over the years that if I am listening to a lecture, speech, or sermon that I retain more information if I take notes as I am listening. I have a friend who's an author, illustrator, artist, cartoonist & just a generally great guy :) He takes notes of the sermons in cartoon form. They're awesome. You can see some of his work on his Facebook page and on his website. You might have also seen some of his work in magazines, on church bulletins, in Sunday School curriculum, and other places!

Well, Sunday at church, I was holding a 14-month old and unable to jot down notes. I listened as intently as possible but, was afraid I'd forget some of what was shared. I knew I'd be able to access that sermon online in the coming days and could hardly wait. (Click HERE to access the sermon.)

As soon as I got home from church, I was happy to receive an email from a friend with his sermon notes! I've read through those notes & decided to pair one of quotes used by our guest speaker with one of my pictures. By seeing that quote on the picture, I will be reminded that God goes through the hard & dark times with us AND that we need to trust upon Him - especially when we can't see ahead.

Are you tempted to throw away your ticket & jump off the train when life sends you troubles? Sometimes I am :/ I am thankful for reminders like this great quote from Corrie ten Boom!

"When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer."

Linking with Ann Voskamp - A Holy Experience today... 

HOPE, House For Sale! 10-18-13

There's something different about having HOPE and HOPING for something to happen. 

I'm writing this post on October 18, 2013. On March 18, 2010, we closed on our current home. The past 41 months, I've been HOPING (and praying every night while holding the hand of the LOML!) that our other house would sell! I wasn't so sure about moving out here... in the sticks... close to 30 minutes from anywhere. However, the past 41 months, has assured me that this was the RIGHT MOVE. I've also heard a "whisper in my heart" that God is working in His own time!! Although, it doesn't usually feel like it's quite fast enough!

"Durbin Manor"

"Durbin County Cottage"

I've wanted "Durbin Manor" to SELL SOON. But, it hasn't. It hasn't sold in 41 months... and counting as you read this. But, I still HOPE...  believing that God has some totally cool plan with regard to when it will sell & to whom it will sell.

Having two mortgages for 41 months has been... rough. Having two properties to maintain for 41 months has been... rough. Having co-signed defaulted college loans to pay in the past 41 months has been... rough. Having out-of-state college fees to help with in the past 30 months has been... rough. Trusting in God has been...rough.

In all of this, God has remained... faithful! I don't know why... but, I believe (and 'I know that I know that I know' - as my grandma used to say) that all this waiting is a part of God's perfect plan. Pray with me to that effect... that's God's perfect plan will be fulfilled with this house. Agree with me in prayer that the perfect new owner will come in God's perfect timing.

Want to join me in that prayer? I'm waiting on the LORD to do this :)

Thanks,
stuckinindiana 

His promises...

...they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

Linking this month with The Nesting Place

 for the 31-day Challenge

HOPE, Harvest Haze 10-14-13

There's a haze in the air around here these days. Our home is surrounded by miles & miles of fields. In our area of the world, the most common crops planted are soybeans ("beans") and field corn (for livestock - as opposed to sweet corn for US!!). This year, there seemed to be more fields planted with beans. From the moment the beans sprout to the final harvest, beans take on a myriad of colors...

- light green - when first growing

deep, dark green AND yellow & green mixed

 golden yellow AND orange-brown

 AND dusty brown - when ready for harvest

And, now that I think about it, I'm not certain that I haven't taken to calling that last color "dusty brown" due to the amount of dust created when beans are harvested. You can see for miles when they've begun harvesting a field of beans.

Our cars get covered with a fine dust - as do the windows of the house and the outside furniture. Even the flowering plants outside our home get a nice coat of fine dust. All seeming to wait until God sends a good, cleansing rain. If they harvested the beans when they weren't so totally dried out, the homes in our corner of the world (aka stuckinindiana) would be saved a lot of extra cleaning. However, in order to the get the best yield, the beans have to be dried out to harvest.

I've learned quite a few life-lessons in the past four years residing among the cornfields, cows, beans, pigs, wheat, chickens & MORE. Harvesting of beans is a lot like life. Sometimes the best yield comes only at a specific time & often when things seem much messier & inconvenient for our liking! I'm reminded to...

Trust the Father's guidance for harvesting.

Don't mind the dust & mess. 

Concentrate on the end product -- the yield! 

You know the saying, ‘One plants and another harvests.’ And it’s true. I sent you to harvest where you didn't plant; others had already done the work, and now you will get to gather the harvest. John 4:37-38

Then He said to them, “The harvest truly is great, but the laborers are few; therefore pray the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest." Luke 10:2

Linking this month with The Nesting Place

 for the 31-day Challenge

Linking with Ann Voskamp - A Holy Experience today...

HOPE, Empty Nesting - In the Moments 10-07-13

Well... we got a few months of Empty Nesting. And, it was... pretty sweet :) 

The LOML & me :)

I knew the LOML (aka Love of My Life; aka My Husband for the past 20+ yrs now) for over 5 years before we married. I knew him as a friend at first. In truth, he was the younger brother of my good friend, Tammy. I'd been invited to all their family holiday gatherings -- since my family lived out of state. I'd watched him play church softball with his brothers & father (whom I'd affectionately named "Daddy Dale" in those days). I'd fixed him up with a girl from church that was his age (I'm not ready to comment honestly on that subject quite yet). I'd remained his friend as the years went by - growing to know him better - knowing who he was & knowing his family. 

And, in those passing years, I'd begun to know what God wanted of me... for me.

On February 10th at 8:10 pm, I knew he was the ONE with whom I should spend the rest of my life - not just the man I wanted to marry for a time... but, the man I would love forever :) I began to look forward to sharing life with him... and parenthood with him. I looked forward to spending the rest of my life with him. I looked forward to the days we could be together again - just the two of us.

Then, the time came :) Both children moved from our home & began their lives as young college students -- as young adults. We were Empty-Nesters. And, it was sweet!! We loved it! 

But... things changed. 

And... we adapted. 

So, at this point in our lives, we are doing the "empty nest" season just in the moments. We thank God for how He's working at this time. We hold onto to the HOPE that our "Empty Nest Days" will happen with more regularity -- not just in the MOMENTS for now... but in GOD'S TIMING :)

In the meantime, we are grateful for the MOMENTS!

His promises...

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. Proverbs 3:5-6

Linking this month with The Nesting Place

 for the 31-day Challenge

I'm Old Now

My FAVORITE hat!
My new name.., DeeDee :)

I wear a few hats. One of my favorites is the "hat I wear" of volunteering for my church's Worship Arts ministry. Weekly I try to pull together information about the weekend meetings (Saturdays 6pm & Sundays 9am & 10:45am) to share with those interested. I usually conclude the weekly Worship Arts note with a section that I call "THOUGHTS OF THE DAY." Here's what's been on my mind lately...

I'm old. YES, those are my thoughts of the day... in this moment. I'm a grandmother now, you know :) And, in my thinking of years gone by, being a grandparent was a true marker of being old. Come to think of it, being "old" isn't all bad! One of the best things about being old is that I have experienced God's faithfulness over & over & over again. I've had many opportunities to learn from my mistakes... or those of others around me.

Another thing about my being old is that I have a wonderful heritage in the hymns of the church. In nights when sleep escapes me, I often recall hymns I learned as a child.  One such hymn comes to mind as I face the future of uncertainty...

1. TRUST & OBEY (written by John H. Sammis in 1887 - a few years before I was born, I'm not THAT old)
2. 
   
3. When we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word,
   What a glory He sheds on our way!
   While we do His good will, He abides with us still,
   And with all who will trust and obey.
   • Refrain:
     Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
     To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.
4. Not a shadow can rise, not a cloud in the skies,
   But His smile quickly drives it away;
   Not a doubt or a fear, not a sigh or a tear,
   Can abide while we trust and obey.
5. Not a burden we bear, not a sorrow we share,
   But our toil He doth richly repay;
   Not a grief or a loss, not a frown or a cross,
   But is blessed if we trust and obey.
6. But we never can prove the delights of His love
   Until all on the altar we lay;
   For the favor He shows, for the joy He bestows,
   Are for them who will trust and obey.
7. Then in fellowship sweet we will sit at His feet,
   Or we’ll walk by His side in the way;
   What He says we will do, where He sends we will go;
   Never fear, only trust and obey.

  

The journey I walk today, although bathed in JOY, is still full of some legitimate concerns about the future. But, I am choosing to trust in God & obey His Word.

HIS WORDS:

• "For the LORD God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The LORD will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right." Psalm 84:11  
• "Who among you fears the LORD and obeys his servant? If you are walking in darkness, without a ray of light, trust in the LORD and rely on your God." Isaiah 50:10
• "In the multitude of my anxieties within me, Your comforts delight my soul." Psalm 94:19

(2/16/13 I just realized that I wrote this on my mother's BIRTHDAY, February 9th.)

Linking with Ann Voskamp - A Holy Experience today... 

HOPELESS Romantic

I am a HOPELESS romantic (emphasis on the cap's)... to the point that hearing the lyrics of a song can bring me back to the anguish I felt at the age of 13 - when my parents resigned from our little country church in NC to move to another church in Peoria, IL. The realization that the neighbor boy would never "find me" and fall in love with me as I loved him was devastating! My love for him was... pure... true... a forever love... an until-death-do-us-part love. My life had been planned out around him - raising our kids in our little church, maybe working with the youth groups as both of our parents had - the list went on. The fact that I was in the 8th grade & he was in 10th grade did not diminish the pain that consumed me that day. I climbed to the top of the backyard tree & sobbed for -- what felt like hours.

Our family moved to Illinois. And, I have to admit, it took more than just a few years to completely let go of the dream to be loved by that boy. But, time has a way of healing wounds. And, time has a way of bringing new things & new people into our lives. Life moved on. And I hate to admit it but, that experience when I was 13 was not the last time I felt like a puddle of gelatinous mud at the end of a relationship with someone whom I had "known" would be the one. Oh how trite! Why must I be so "textbook classic" for "girls", I often asked myself.

The song that reminded me of that feeling today... and other similar times in my "romantic" life... 

"Will Someone Ever Look at Me That Way? ~ from the movie, "Yentl" sung by none other than Barbra Streisand. 

And a few of the lyrics... "now I see how love completely occupies a pair of eyes..." and "will I ever live to see the day... that he will turn around and look at me that way?" Ah... young love for young girls! 

Will Someone Ever Look At Me That Way?  Buy "Will Someone Ever Look At Me That Way" on: Android Market, AmazonMP3, iTunes 

How often have I let my "feelings" be my reality? How easy is it for me to be overwhelmed with emotion & feelings and only see one reality? No matter how many times I was told as a young girl that things would work out for me, I never seemed to "feel" that way when I faced disappointments. Were my feelings my reality?

One thing about being an adult is... you have experienced a LOT of years & heartaches & disappointments. But, I've also seen those disappointments open doors for other opportunities. I've learned lessons that have helped me to avoid mistakes & poor choices in the future. I've been an example to others - albeit in the what-not-to-do category more often than not. I've seen burning ruble make way for new growth, life, and beauty!

When I was young - back in that little North Carolina country church - we sang from a hymnal. A song I remember was called "Trust & Obey". What a wonderful concept to be introduced to me at such a young age -- trusting in God for the BEST while obeying His guidelines found in the Bible. The song wasn't See, Trust & Obey! It's not always easy to trust God & obey His Word when the future seems unclear. But, it has proved true in my life and the lives of countless others who've embraced the promises found in the Bible. And, I believe that it will prove true in my life to come. 

Now that I'm not... exactly... young... 

Are my feelings my reality? They could be and can be -- but, only if I allow them to be. Not only did God write my love story in a wonderful way - better than what I could have imagined... but, I daily seek to allow Him to write my entire life story!

In the words of Christ: "Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me." John 14:1

Painfully Insecure, Yet Full of Pride?

From my youngest days I remember being painfully insecure. As a young child I was just plain scrawny. I remember hearing my mom tell stories to guests at our house in Michigan (when I was 2-5 yrs old) about what a "colicky baby" I was. As I matured through childhood and into my teens, I grew taller but remained really thin - perhaps too thin! I remember kids making fun of how bony I was.

Well, those days have passed & no one seems to think I'm "too skinny" anymore. But, I never got over the feeling that physically I've never quite been quite up to par. Even into my early 20's, I felt like I needed to earn the acceptance of others. I was embarrassed about my appearance. I didn't feel smart enough. I didn't feel like I was particularly funny or talented in any way. I never felt like the popular kid in school. Growing up I was the "preacher's kid" in a small town &; not a safe friend to share secrets with or invite to the parties. For several years after high school, I wrote my own story in an attempt to be accepted & be a cool kid. Thankfully God's grace covered me during that time! Regardless of the number of friends I made & kept over the years though, I still felt like at any given moment they would figure out how "non-special" I was and just find a better friend.

By the grace of God & thanks to a wonderful Christian counselor, I processed many things in my late 20's and honestly began to claim the promises from God that are available to ALL of His children -- even the odd, skinny, untalented ones who were horrible colicky babies :) I stopped blaming past experiences for the way I was turning out. I began learning from experiences and moving on in a more positive direction.

Why then are there still pangs of hurt when I don't feel like the "cool kid" in my circle of peers? Is it something I've done? Are there just lots of qualities about me that people don't like? Am I not a good enough friend to keep for any length of time? Perhaps there's an expiration date on me as a friend - kind of like the expiration date on a carton of milk. When my mind goes to those types of thoughts and I question myself, I can't help but feel that some sense of self-pride must be at the root of it. But, how can I be so painfully insecure, yet so full of pride? Why can't I just concentrate on being what God wants me to be each day -- moment to moment without trying to figure out why I can't be the "cool kid"?

Intellectually & spiritually I understand that it's not about ME. But "ME" doesn't understand why I have to feel that way when at the same time I'm feeling that I'm following God's plan for my life. My life's focus shouldn't be on ME but on God. And, my heart wants my life to be about God. I'm never more at peace than when I know I am walking in accordance to His will. In Him I am complete!!

But, why does it still hurt? I don't really have the answer. So, in times of uncertainty & pain, I just trust that there's a higher purpose in it all. I take a leap of faith & claim that God is working in & through every situation as long as I'm trusting in & serving Him. I strive to serve Him, recognizing that every good gift is from Him as stated in James 1:17. I trust Him knowing that He loves & cherishes each of His children as promised in Jeremiah 31:3. 

It's on the hardest days that I find joy in the scriptures that reminds me of how short our time here on earth really is when compared to eternity. James 4:14 says: "How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—it's here a little while, then it's gone." I continue to take it moment by moment making every effort to be a reflection of Christ and do my little part to lift Him up before those around me. I claim promises like the one spoken by Christ in John 12:32: "And I, if I be lifted up from the earth, will draw all unto me."

For me, it's a daily commitment. It's a moment by moment promise. I will continue to search for and claim promises found in God's Word. I'll continue to take it one step at a time while my spirit hollers "Heaven, hurry up!"

"But you belong to God, my dear children. You have already won a victory over those people, because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world." 1 John 4:4

A NOTE ABOUT ME: If I had to choose ONE thing over anything as being of most importance to me, it would be my relationship with God (the Father, the Son & the Holy Spirit). That relationship is the basis of all my decisions, my dreams, my plans, my actions, etc. My relationship with God as His child is what guides me in my choices for all aspects of my life. It truly is what I hold most dear. With that said... PAINFULLY INSECURE, YET FULL OF PRIDE?

Linking with Ann Voskamp - A Holy Experience today...