Worst Year Ever!!!!!

Have you ever looked back on a long period of time (12 months or more) and said to yourself.... That was the WORST YEAR EVER! Have you ever been so very certain of something to only watch it implode in front of you? Have you cried out to God and earnestly pleaded for what you felt deeply was His will - something of which you believed to be His will all along. Have you cried out to Jesus... for Him to restore what was broken... for Him to show up mightily on behalf of hurting loved ones... for Him to soften hardened hearts & heal injured souls?

I was brought up in a "Christian" home. And, by that I mean... a family who walked the talk... a preacher's family where a daily, personal relationship with the Trinity (Father, Son & Holy Spirit) was taught and lived out. The choice for me to be a "believer" was more so for my family in my younger years. But over time, I came to understand, choose and grow into my very own personal relationship with Christ. 

Over the years I've experienced a peace that passes understanding through my faith (Philippians 4:7)... in times of death, disappointment, illness, hurt, loss of relationship, rejection, fear, and more. 

          * I walked the road of cancer with my father believing fully that at any moment God would heal Dad's earthly body and feeling the perfect will of God as I sat by my dad and heard his body let out it's last breath. It was a very hard year. But, in the end, my heart knew that what had happened was in God's perfect timing. 

          * I was lied to and betrayed by a person that I felt would always be a huge part of my life. It was years before I saw what a blessing that rejection had actually been for me & my future. 

          * I've lain awake many a night wondering about the safety of a dear, loved one. I've cried countless tears over the choices and their consequences from decisions made contrary to what I would have suggested. I've felt bullied, badgered & belittled for my feelings & faith in many of those times. I'm still waiting for some of those things to be resolved. But, I believe that they will.

          * And, I could go on...

My story probably isn't any different than most others. However, I've had the peace and assurance that God was at work in all situations... working for the best --- our best! Often that peace has been painful. I'm still confused about how certain things turned out. I still wonder if some of my prayers are being sent up in accordance to His will or just to heal the pain I experience. Each day is a new beginning of trusting & believing that it will all be fine, in the end.

So, for those out there who have had similar thoughts to... Worst Day Ever... Worst Week Ever... Worst Month Ever... WORST YEAR EVER, know that you are not alone in those feelings. Be encouraged that sometimes things are falling into place when you are certain they are falling apart.

A scripture that I cling to is... 

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” ‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:28‬ ‭NLT‬‬ http://bible.com/116/rom.8.28.nlt 

Some songs that have helped in times of struggle -- in the past year especially...

Alanna Story - I Won't Let Go

Casting Crowns - Oh My Soul 

Mercy Me - Even If 

Lauren Daigle - You Say 

Laura Story - Blessings

Hillsong United - So Will I 

Us The Duo - Take Me Home / Finding God In The Ruins

Trina won her heavenly reward today - cancer lost its battle against her body. 

This is a GREAT video for anyone who is hurting, who needs encouragement or wants to provide encouragement, etc.  Make sure to read the script that goes along with the video.

Home is where the heart is... God will take you home to His arms.

RIP Trina! Prayers covering your loved one who are grieving your presence in this earthly world.

Today... It Should Be Snowing...

The emotions were too raw the day I wrote this. I could not bear to publish it on that day. But, today I find myself missing & thinking about that friend who went HOME on December 6th... and is now made whole...

Today is cool & rainy. But, given my mood... it should be snowing today. It feels like winter. I feel like I need to hibernate in my home and come back out in the spring. My heart is full of emotions as I just learned from a dear friend that she will be turned over to hospice care next week.

My Friend Will Be Healed

The past 5 to 6 weeks have flown by, although sometimes in slow motion. Is that even possible? In one way I feel as though it was yesterday when I was sitting beside my friend and laughing about things we'd said or done in the past. In another way I feel as though months have gone by without me being present to what was happening around me in other areas of my life.

In the middle of the summer, my friend was diagnosed with advanced stages of pancreatic cancer. It had gone undetected for several years. Tests showed that it had spread to her liver. After conversations with several doctors, she made the decision not to chemotherapy or radiation treatments -- as they were not expected to rid her body of the cancer. We went for about 5-6 weeks celebrating the fact that her "numbers were down". Anyone who has walked this journey of a loved one fighting the dreaded C disease knows all about "numbers being up" and "numbers being down."

First Monday In Heaven

My "JoyDare" from
a few weeks back.

This morning I awoke with the thought... "Yep! This is her first Monday in Heaven!" Why my mind works like that is a mystery to me. But, it was how I greeted the day in my mind. And, the thought made me smile AND yet feel a little lost at the same time.

Today will be the first weekday in quite awhile that I won't be getting ready to drive over to my friends house to keep her company as she prepares to meet the Lord. She went to be in His arms early Saturday evening. Her diagnosis 5 months ago took us all by surprise. But, she didn't seem to skip a beat as she put everything in place for her passing. If this was her time to leave this earth in God's plan, she was okay with that. She didn't want to die. She'd leave a grieving husband & many grieving friends. But, she had a peace about whatever God's plan was. And, she wanted to

Give Thanks... In Everything??

I am thankful for friends, family,
faith, freedom, farmers, food
and so much more!

Recently, it seems like people in my community -- my family of friends -- are being reminded of the brevity & value of life itself. A 90-year old mentor & friend to many of us passed away over the weekend... on his 67th wedding anniversary. His battle with cancer was a fierce one. He left a grieving wife whose life has now taken a step into the unknown. 

A wonderful young mom didn't get the outcome, for which her heart cried, in a custody hearing a few weeks ago. Thanksgiving & Christmas won't be the same. The memories of past holidays will bring some comfort this year, as her prayers will plead for new memories to be made in the coming years with her precious children.

Just last night another dear friend learned the unexpected news

Cancer + Coincidences = Peaceful Sleep

Can you tell how USED
this book is :)

I'd lost count of the nights trying to sleep on a chair in the waiting room or in the guest room at my parents house during my dad's battle with cancer that year. The unexpected hospital stays were happening more frequently & reminded me of the two months I'd spent in the hospital during my second pregnancy. Both times, when I was there & when my father was there, a constant parade of nurses, doctors, interns & staff members filled the days & nights with their visits. There always seemed to be many more questions than answers. Was I ever glad about my zeal for medical knowledge all those years ago in my high school & college days. That made it a little easier to understand their "medical jargon".

One night at the hospital, Dad took a turn for the worse

All You Need Is Love

There are times in life when you are... held between earth & heaven... with no words to speak... with only raw emotion to remind you that you are, in fact, still alive. The passing of a cherished loved one... cradling a newborn baby in your arms... hearing the diagnosis of a terminal illness... watching your child grow up to give birth to their own... being broken under the load of grief & sense of loss when a marriage dies...

Taking Care of What the Good Lord Gave You

I have a dear friend who gave up a lot in her life as she battled breast cancer. She was diagnosed in February 2010 with its most aggressive form. The professionals gave her little, to no, hope. She believed otherwise. She's a loving mama, a radiant bride, a believer and a fighter! She's a victor, not a victim. She's a warrior, not a wounded soul.

Her battle with breast cancer was rough. There were a lot of sacrifices made.

When Dreams Die

"Yes, it is cancer."
     "We are getting divorced."
          "It's time to turn him/her over to hospice care."
               "The baby didn't make it."

When you hear words you prayed you'd never hear... 

and you have no idea what to say when you pray... 

and you can't possibly conceive how good can come from "this". 

When you want to wrap yourself in a blanket and never leave home... and never utter a sound beyond the walls of your mind. 

When you feel the pain in a loved one's heart but, have no comfort to give... and see the hopelessness in the eyes of another but are no longer regarded as a source of hope by that loved one. 

When dreams are shattered... when dreams die... hope can only be found in resurrection -- new life, after death. Hope can only be felt if you believe in & expectantly look for miracles. 

When you are stubborn in believing in & expecting miracles, you wrap yourself in the blanket...

of God's love...

and, you wait... expectantly!

photo by T. Getz

Shared with the Ann Voskamp Community on Wednesday, 9/19/12