I Don't Belong Here

Linking up with the Tuesday at Ten group... the prompt word... BELONG

I spent a big part of my life wanting to be free of bonds which "tied" me to anyone or anything. I managed to convince myself that I was only safe when on my own. I had come to believe that once another knew the real me that I would not be loved or respected. I sabotaged relationships that seemed to be getting inside my head and heart. I'd convinced myself that no relationship was lasting
and without ties that would bind me I could never feel free - that I would not flourish... that I would wither and die. That I could never belong to anyone or anything other than myself. 

Over years of struggling with self-esteem, I'd become certain that nothing could bind me to another -- that I was separate and could never have a sense of belonging. My life was lived as an island - separated from any real commitment to friends, family & community. I believed that the part I played in the world was best served on the island in my mind. 

I constructed my world... or so I thought I did. It took a lot of years and a lot of friendships and relationships to put aside my insecurities and begin to take part in the lives of those around me. I learned that the bonds to other people do not have to bind me tightly or restrictively. I began to take comfort in the bonds holding me gently to what mattered most -- to who mattered -- to those who were interested in the good of the world and not just looking after number one. 

I was fooling myself when I thought I had constructed my world apart from that of others. I was fooling myself in believing that I could never belong to that bigger community. I was worthy of belonging. I was put here to interact -- not to be an island. 

"Humankind has not woven the web of life. We are but one thread within it. Whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves. All things are bound together. All things connect." ~ Chief Seattle