Beware of ONLINE FRIENDS...

I met someone online a few years back. 

Isn't that a great beginning to a horror story!!!

This person is a woman - like me. And, we conversed pretty regularly for the next two and a half years. Through our conversations:

Should I Write for the Public? - #write31days 10-23-16

With the craziness in our lives lately, the quote below rings TRUE with me. I seem to be writing my own personal story lately. I feel as though I need to write for myself lately. I wonder if anyone else cares what I have to say. I wonder if someone will be encouraged by what I say. I wonder if someone will relate to what I say. And yet, a part of me doesn't really care that much about the "others". I feel the need to write for me.

"It is better to write for yourself and have no public
than to write for the public and have no self."
~ Cyril Connolly #quote

I began writing as a young child. I wrote only for myself - feeling that what I had to say was of no interest to anyone since it would not relate to anyone. I was also embarrassed of what I wrote and who I was. I was insecure and truly felt that I was not worthy of sharing my views & thoughts with others. As I matured, I began to think that perhaps there might be one other person in the world that might be a little like me. And, I began to feel as though I had to be open about my weaknesses and my battles & challenges. 

As a young adult, I grew in my relationship with Christ and asked God to use my words, thoughts, views, etc. I began to see that many others in the world felt insecure with who they were... with what their worth was. I was also convicted that the feelings of insecurity & self-loathing were a tool... and not a tool of the One I called my Lord & Savior. I felt isolated and helpless in my insecurities. This isolation made me feel powerless. And, I began to question whether others might be feeling isolated and powerless.

So, I began to share openly about what I was facing. I began to write about the things that blessed me and the things that pulled me down. I began to write notes to myself as a reminder in the years to come to not lose perspective of views I had when I was "younger". I began to expose things that I'd hidden for years.

The Connolly quote above reminds me of one of Shakespeare's most famous quotes:

"To thine own self be true."
~ William Shakespeare #quote

"To thine own self be true." ~ William Shakespeare

Should we really do ANYTHING for the public...or for the betterment of ourselves... first? 

5 Minute Free-For-All - Should I Write for the Public? - #write31days 10-23-16

Comparison is the Thief of Joy - #write31days 10-20-16

This is year 5 of me participating in the #write31days challenge with thousands of other bloggers/writers. I've been so busy this year (and especially this month) that I feel like I can hardly write each day. I read posts by the others who also accepted the #write31days challenge this year and wonder why I am even participating. 

But, then I think about how much I enjoy writing -- regardless of the number of people who read the posts or the number of comments or shares. Writing is a great creative outlet for me. It marks my days - the thoughts, dreams, actions, feelings, desires, disappointments, lessons learned and much more. 

If I allowed myself to make comparisons between how I write and how others write, I would not experience the joy that I have in writing. I'm quite certain that I would fret over each new post wondering if it was worthy of this challenge. And, each day would become harder and harder as I focused on the excellent writing of others and the "sub-par" writing I do. But, that's one great thing about writing... it's for everyone!

I spent a lot of years in my life letting comparison of myself with others rob me of joy. I guess there is an up-side to getting older. I've gotten to the point where I want all the joy I can get and I'm not that concerned about comparison anymore.

So many things in life would be better if we would embrace Roosevelt's words...

"Comparison is the thief of joy." ~ Theodore Roosevelt

Creating an Emotional Connection

I began writing at a very young age - mostly in the form of journal entries or short stories. My writing was often based on an emotional experience or feeling. I've always been a very emotional person. I think that many people would see me as being too emotional. I wrote about my emotions for various reasons:
   * to analyze my feelings.
   * to document an event or happening in my life & the effect it had on me
   * to remember how the emotions felt & affected my actions
   * to learn from what I experienced

But, often I wrote about

Silence Can Be Deceiving

I love finding quotes that hit a chord within me. Here's one that grabbed me a while back:

"The fact that I'm silent doesn't mean I have nothing to say."

~ Jonathan Carroll

Today is busy - like most days. But, I want to write and share -- especially with a community of writers whom I've grown to love. I haven't written much in the past few months. I've managed to keep jotting down three blessings each day. (My #JoyDare / #1000gifts lists.) But, I've even been slow in editing and posting those. Other things have filled my days. 

I guess, with regard to writing, you could say I've been silent. But, in those times of infrequent blog posts, my writer's mind hasn't been silent at all. There are few things that happen in my normal day-to-day life that don't evoke a flood of thoughts... 

All 5 eggs were laid in the same box by the Golden Comets one cold morning... Coincidence? Well, I make a note of the low temp in their coop on the preceding night & come to the conclusion that sticking together is warmer. My crazy brain immediately envisions 5 hens crowded in one box with each one wiggling out when she's laid her own egg. It reminds me of how important "community" is for all of us. I'll write more about that later.

I vigorously scrape off frost and ice from the windows of our daughter's car in the wee hours of the morning before she takes the Little to school. I pause and snap a shot of the glints of diamonds that shine in the snow as her headlights illuminate the crystal forest that was made of our property in the night while we slept. It occurs to me that I'm freezing there in my jammies, boots and a heavy coat. I walk in and am warmed by the sight of the little seascape I placed above the sun room door years ago. I'm reminded that I can be at the seaside anywhere I am on this planet. Happiness is in me... not in a place. I'll write more about that later. 

I wake in the middle of the night for no logical reason other than "I ,myself, am no longer a spring chicken." I pray for everyone I can think of - at the same time really wishing I was sleeping. Just as I begin to drift off, I hear the pitter-patter of little bare feet running from the east side of the house. I think to myself, "Wouldn't it be nice to sleep in today." And, within minutes I'm drowning in hugs and kisses from a toddler giggling and proclaiming, "You're my best friend, DeeDee." I'm reminded that sleep can be highly overrated and that life often happens just as it should happen... not as we had envisioned or planned. And, I acknowledge that even the most difficult chapters of our lives are filled with sweet, sweet blessings we might not otherwise have received. I'll write more about that later.

Each morning I wake and know there are some things which absolutely have to be done that day - commitments, appointments, etc. And, each morning I wake with a long list of what I'd like to do that day. Truth be told, some days I just desire to hide under the blankets for the day. But, life pushes me out of bed. I go about my day-to-day life - making mental notes and writing blog posts along the way (in my mind). I'll write more about that later.

Whether the day ends up being great or grave, it always contains blessings - just waiting to be seen. I write daily in my mind. I record those thoughts for others to read when I feel I can. But, don't be fooled... "The fact that I'm silent doesn't mean I have nothing to say."

Join the conversation with me on Twitter & Instagram at @stuckinindiana And, hop over to the Facebook Page stuckinindiana :) Oh, and I'm on Pinterest at "stuckinindiana" too... but, don't do so well keeping up with that one :)

Thinking Though Your Fingers

Since a very young age, writing has been my first choice for recording & communicating my memories & feelings. For a big part of my childhood, I felt as though I had no voice. I recorded things down in a dime store diary with, what I thought, was a very safe lock clasp closure. The diary was hidden between my mattress and the box springs -- where no one would think to look. The key to my diary was on the floor behind the foot of the bed -- where I could reach it when laying in bed at night. I filled the pages of one diary, purchased another diary, filled those pages, and a love of writing was born. 

Rainy Days Call For...

Rainy days call for an afternoon nap for some... and writing for others... as they listen to the pouring rain & watch water drops roll of the top branches of a tall fir tree probably older than Grandma Moses :)

It's raining hard this afternoon (as was predicted). I should have ventured out before the noon hour. Instead, my mind & body craved a bit of quiet time after a flurry of wonderfully busy days with loved ones. Little Miss A was quite content having a tea party in her Pack N Play with all her dolls & animals. Aside from meal & snack breaks and some reading/cuddle time, we tended to keep ourselves pretty content. 

Looking at the calendar, I realized I'd failed to post my most recent month's #JoyDare list over a week ago! I added a few pics to the words already written, very quickly proofed the text & published it. Looking back on that one month of reminders of God's loving-kindness & faithfulness filled my heart with gratitude. Seeing some of the thoughts that God placed on my heart... seeing some of the pictures of moments that had brought joy...  knowing that on most days I could have listed more than three... reminded me that every day GOD IS ABUNDANTLY FAITHFUL & LOVING!

The rain has let up. The baby still sleeps. Quiet jazz plays on the iPod player which I brought along to play familiar music to make this place seem more like home for all of us. The sky's still gray. But, the clouds have lifted a bit & I can faintly catch a glimpse of Lake Chautauqua through the trees in our sky-top efficiency here within the gates. The view of the distant shore brings new feelings after spending time with my friend last week over there while she was home to visit family at the home of her childhood. 

Some rainy afternoons are great for naps for me. Today was not one of those afternoons. It was one where I needed to capture my thoughts and count my blessings... with words that flooded my mind & heart. And, I am claiming the promise... 

The LORD will work out his plans for my life—for your faithful love, O LORD, endures forever. Psalm 38:8

 #JoyDare No. 2737 -  writing on rainy days & remembering... 

Starved...

Writing & journaling have been an important part of my life since a very young age. I've seen writing as a luxury & yet it feeds my soul...

In my solitude, I find comfort & companionship in writing. Putting my deepest thoughts down on paper gives them life & presence to me.

... Lately my writing's suffered due to new responsibilities. I feel starved. Thoughts still come but seem to just vanish in thin air--lost!