I'm Old Now

My FAVORITE hat!
My new name.., DeeDee :)

I wear a few hats. One of my favorites is the "hat I wear" of volunteering for my church's Worship Arts ministry. Weekly I try to pull together information about the weekend meetings (Saturdays 6pm & Sundays 9am & 10:45am) to share with those interested. I usually conclude the weekly Worship Arts note with a section that I call "THOUGHTS OF THE DAY." Here's what's been on my mind lately...

I'm old. YES, those are my thoughts of the day... in this moment. I'm a grandmother now, you know :) And, in my thinking of years gone by, being a grandparent was a true marker of being old. Come to think of it, being "old" isn't all bad! One of the best things about being old is that I have experienced God's faithfulness over & over & over again. I've had many opportunities to learn from my mistakes... or those of others around me.

Another thing about my being old is that I have a wonderful heritage in the hymns of the church. In nights when sleep escapes me, I often recall hymns I learned as a child.  One such hymn comes to mind as I face the future of uncertainty...

1. TRUST & OBEY (written by John H. Sammis in 1887 - a few years before I was born, I'm not THAT old)
2. 
   
3. When we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word,
   What a glory He sheds on our way!
   While we do His good will, He abides with us still,
   And with all who will trust and obey.
   • Refrain:
     Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
     To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.
4. Not a shadow can rise, not a cloud in the skies,
   But His smile quickly drives it away;
   Not a doubt or a fear, not a sigh or a tear,
   Can abide while we trust and obey.
5. Not a burden we bear, not a sorrow we share,
   But our toil He doth richly repay;
   Not a grief or a loss, not a frown or a cross,
   But is blessed if we trust and obey.
6. But we never can prove the delights of His love
   Until all on the altar we lay;
   For the favor He shows, for the joy He bestows,
   Are for them who will trust and obey.
7. Then in fellowship sweet we will sit at His feet,
   Or we’ll walk by His side in the way;
   What He says we will do, where He sends we will go;
   Never fear, only trust and obey.

  

The journey I walk today, although bathed in JOY, is still full of some legitimate concerns about the future. But, I am choosing to trust in God & obey His Word.

HIS WORDS:

• "For the LORD God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The LORD will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right." Psalm 84:11  
• "Who among you fears the LORD and obeys his servant? If you are walking in darkness, without a ray of light, trust in the LORD and rely on your God." Isaiah 50:10
• "In the multitude of my anxieties within me, Your comforts delight my soul." Psalm 94:19

(2/16/13 I just realized that I wrote this on my mother's BIRTHDAY, February 9th.)

Linking with Ann Voskamp - A Holy Experience today... 

Crazy Auto-Correct! - 31 DAYS OF CRAZY - 25 October 2012

Who else remembers watching The Jetson's and Star Trek (with the dreamy Captain James T. Kirk)? And besides me, who remembers seeing those shows & dreaming of the perfect days in the future? My hot button back then was having to do chores inside the house before going out to run & play. My dream was for a day when a "Rosie-like" robot would take care of that mundane work for me as I enjoyed the outdoor air - hiking, riding my pet horse, playing with my pet spider monkey, etc.

Well, years have passed & many of those fantasies have become reality. But, as we've learned from our laptops & smart phone, those gadgets often seem to have their own mind on how things should be done. One constant point of contention for me is the "auto-correct" feature which is helpful 98% of the time & maddening the rest of the time! Perhaps I'm just an impatient or sloppy key entry person :) 

Earlier today my friend, Brooke, posted the following on Facebook:

Just sent my fiance' a text saying "Whatcha doping?". Either I have fat fingers or I've been reading too many articles about Lance Armstrong.

I "liked" her comment & then told her about what has happened repeatedly to me:

My auto-correct is always ending my texts to my husband with, "I love you homey" -- even when I enter the letters h-o-n-e-y, it usually defaults to homey!

It's really nice that my phone & laptop know to capitalize the second letter in the APPLE FAMILY MEMBERS... iPad, iTouch, iPhone, iTunes, etc. And, they've even figured out that I like to sign my notes & texts with my name beginning with a lowercase "c". But, why does it insist that the word satan begins with a capital "S" but that the word God begins with a lower-case "g"? That bugs me. And, what in the world have I typed to result in an auto-corrected word of sassafras in several texts?

"A penny for your thoughts, homey."

As things become easier & we allow the world to "finish our words," we increase the chance of our intent being miss-communicated. We need to continue to keep our eyes open in order make sure we'are sending the correct message. I don't want society to auto-correct what I say & do to fit their view. I must remain intentional in my speaking & in my actions in order to present a clear picture to those around me. 

Post a few of your auto-correct mishaps or perhaps your views on how our advance in technology has actually limited our clear communication. 

His Words: 

(got this idea from Chase Tibbs' blog; using it because i love the words of God)

• "But let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' be 'No.' For whatever is more than these is from the evil one."  Matthew 5:37
• "Listen to me! For I have important things to tell you. Everything I say is right, for I speak the truth and detest every kind of deception. My advice is wholesome. There is nothing devious or crooked in it. My words are plain to anyone with understanding, clear to those with knowledge."  Proverbs 8:6-9
• "Such people are not serving Christ our Lord; they are serving their own personal interests. By smooth talk and glowing words they deceive innocent people."  Romans 16:18

Go check out over 1200 topics
in the 31 days {of change} with...

I'm Going to Die Before I'm 35

Run to Him & know when you're
hiding from Him, He'll always
seek after you!

I'm going to die before I'm 35... I'm quite certain of it. I knew this from about the age of 12. Back in the days when I was gangly (not just skinny) -- resembling a rather unattractive 7 year old the height of a full grown adult! I always felt "a little less" than others around me. And, the ever-present silent thoughts occupied my mind: "You will only have to take this for less than 35 years. That's not TOO long. You can make it."

I took comfort in those thoughts wrapping them around me to insulate me from feeling, connection, pain, relationship.... life!

During my teens & early 20's I was in a constant battle with my thoughts, perceptions, self-image, etc. There were really only moments of rest from the thoughts that plagued my mind - those that brought me to the depths of despair one day & into a numbing sense of dullness on others. Thoughts that haunted me in the cold, dark hours of the night. Thoughts that whispered to me "No one will like you when they get to know you." I understood I'd never be loved by anyone who didn't HAVE to love me -- after all, I was ME! Thoughts and talk of suicide were probably a daily occurrence for more years than I want to remember. And the one thing that kept me from going through with it was that I felt I'd go to hell & then it would NEVER end, not even at 35! I would be in anguish forever!!

The dawn of my awakening came at the end of my sophomore year at Anderson University It occurred to me that quite a few of the people who "liked me" at the beginning of my freshman year still seemed to "like me" then. Imagine that?!? It was then I began to recognize some of the brokenness, in the lives of those around me & in some things that had happened to me as a child, as contributors to my initial feelings of unworthiness. So, I spent the next 5-6 years being incredibly angry with those people & the injustices I'd suffered. All the time I was taking comfort inside knowing that the hurt would all be over in a matter of years.

In my late-20's I coincidentally met & became friends with a Christian counselor, psychologist & author -- a pretty "cool" person, I thought. Over the course of a year, I began to see that although people & circumstances had affected my development, I had a choice to break free from those bonds. I'd been a Christian from an early age. I'd strayed away... and come back... and strayed away... and come back. But, I'd never actually believed that God could mend my brokenness from all those years ago. Putting the past behind me was scary. I was entering the unknown. And, we all know, there's no control in the unknown.

In the coming years, I thought less about what I knew: I was going to die before I turned 35. As I drew closer to the age of 35, the thought no longer brought comfort. I wondered, how will my passing affect my husband... my daughter... my son?  What brought me peace through the struggles of my youth & young adulthood now brought me a sense of sadness. 

Well, the 35th birthday has come & gone. I'm still here. I still have moments when I'm transported back to the gangly 12 year old girl who wasn't asked to the popular girl's slumber party... the 14 year old who locked herself in the bathroom threatening her parents that she'd end it all.. the 16 year old who was asked when she was going to start looking like a girl by the popular boy in the youth group. But, in those moments of remembering, I am reminded that there was plan in process for my life. A plan that was leading to a future & a hope.

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD.

"They are plans for good and not for disaster,

to give you a future and a hope."

Jeremiah 29:11

I don't question the thoughts that played out in my mind all those years. I believe that God allowed me to find peace of mind in the only way I could experience it in those darkest of days. And in those dark days, He was doing a work in me to bring me closer to wholeness. There are still times when I struggle with depression - especially in the cold, bleak winter months. And, there've been several times in my life when peace came in the storm with some feeling of knowing the outcome. Quite often the storm passed and, the outcome of which I was certain never happened.

photo by T. Getz

I'm willing to allow Him to write my story - any way He chooses to write it. There will be more storms ahead to face. But, I take comfort knowing that I have a future and a hope.