You Are The Only You!

Mondays are weird for me. I never seem to settle into what feels like normal for a Monday. During some seasons of life, I worked a traditional 8am-5pm job and Monday began that way. Other seasons, I was a stay-at-home mom, a home-maker, and a wife. Those Mondays started with the regular "To Do Lists." Recently, I've been a "DeeDee" (that's my name for grandmother) helping with the care of a sweet little girl. I continue, this season of life, to try and define the meaning of normality.

One thing that does seem normal on a Monday morning is trying to catch up on missed devotionals & missed announcements via social media, etc. This morning, when checking out the two Twitter accounts I manage, I stumbled across a note from To Write Love On Her Arms. And, apparently, this week is National Suicide Prevention Week.  

When I was young & through my high school and college years, I was probably seen as a very confident young woman. I'd grown up in the spotlight in my little town - being one of the daughters of a beloved pastor in that mountain community. I couldn't get away with a thing - LOL. I was in the spotlight. In the shadows, however, I questioned myself constantly...

OUCH... the memories!

... was I enough?

... was I attractive?

... was I smart?

... was I loved?

... would I ever amount to anything? 

... could I ever make a difference in this world?

Thoughts of suicide were something I faced almost daily. I didn't really want to DO it. But, I sure did want to be gone... over... done... away. I remember having those thoughts as early as the age of ten. And, seriously, why would an attractive young girl like her not have a great self-image?

I'm incredibly thankful God helped me through those years. I pray for others who battle such thoughts & struggle with lies & questions from Satan. Trust me, those are NOT from God. Believe this: 

YOU ARE THE ONLY YOU... and YOU ARE IMPORTANT & LOVED! 

From my own experiences, this week of National Suicide Prevention Week, I'm confident there are many people out there struggling on their own... often quite well hidden... with thoughts of shame, inadequacy, escape... suicide.  

If you struggle with this... Take time today to reach out for help or tell yourself to hang on - tomorrow will be better. Don't be embarrassed or scared to seek help!

If you don't struggle with this...  Take time today open your mind to the fact that others DO struggle in this way. And, open your eyes to the little clues that might point you in the direction of someone you can love.

IN HIS WORDS...

These words written to a people going through many trials... 

All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ. Even when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation! For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you. Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer. We are confident that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in the comfort God gives us. 2 Corinthians 1:2-7

Will you help me LOVE others?

PS... 

My friend, writer Chuck Kellum, shared this too...

If nothing else, at least try one of these: 800-SUICIDE, 800-273-TALK, or find another number to call at http://www.suicidehotlines.com/

My Darkest Days

My darkest days were those when I hid behind my shame.

I fled from community & into the arms of solitude.

I reasoned that I was alone in my struggle... that it was a struggle of the unworthy, of the weak, of the lost.

In those darkest of days I sought to be healed but, refused any human help!

I believed in God's power of healing but... I would only accept His complete healing... on my own terms.

He would have to heal me quietly -- without the knowledge or involvement of others.

They say that when something hurts you enough... that then, and only then, will you truly change.

When the struggle's worn you down for countless hours, weeks, months, years... how can strength to begin such a change be found? And, what's the source of that kind of strength?

The strongest chord of a strand is the deepest one. When all the others unravel, the strongest remains. The chord that ties us to the eternal. The chord that binds us to the source of of all strength.

Light began to dawn the moment I stepped out from behind my shame & said,

• "God, I will accept Your healing on Your terms."

• "I will allow others to see my wounds."

• "I will no longer define what is unworthy, weak, lost..."

• "I will trust in the chord at the center of my being that can never be severed by this world or the powers below."

I cling tenaciously and with complete hope & acceptance of this promise...

"And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns." 

Philippians 1:6

I'm Stuck

Today I'm stuck. 

Come to think of it I've been stuck for awhile now. 

And, I really wish I could get unstuck.

I wonder... Is God allowing me to be stuck to learn something? Is God allowing me to be stuck while someone else is learning something?

I wonder... Am I still in the "wrap in a blanket & hide" stage of grief. You know, our old friend, GRIEF... the gradual, and often painful, acceptance of a new reality.

I understand there's nothing I can physically do to change this new reality.

I wholeheartedly believe in the miraculous power of prayer even when I don't know exactly what to pray. Do I pray for...

Protection... Provision... Wisdom... Strength... Health... Recommitment... Renewal

I'm haunted by what I've seen & heard. How THIS could be the "happy ending" is inconceivable. It's not about me... but my heart is broken by it. It goes against everything I've hoped for & dreamed about. I feel robbed and yet know that I'm the one least affected by all of this.

I believe that the plans God has for ALL OF His children are of a future and a hope. And yet, I see no hope in THIS future.

God, I believe in you! I trust you! I love you. I surrender to you & your will. Please hold me tightly God... while I'm stuck.

In one way or another...
aren't we all stuck at times?

(written a while ago... God remains faithful... I am trusting Him in the moments that I feel stuck)