Heart Strings, Hormones & Honesty

I've said this SO many times to friends... There's just NOT enough hours in the day to do all the great things we want to do.

I love to WRITE. My head and heart seem to be constantly "writing" posts to share with the world. I seldom see a thing or hear a song or ... that I my mind and heart don't want to write about it. As I'm walking, I write in my mind. As I quietly lie awake beside a peacefully sleeping LOML, I write in my mind. When I'm traveling in a car... when I'm waiting for a doctor's appointment... when I'm washing dishes... when I'm pulling weeds... when I'm taking a shower... when I'm watching a play or listening to a concert... I WRITE IN MY MIND!

All You Need Is Love

There are times in life when you are... held between earth & heaven... with no words to speak... with only raw emotion to remind you that you are, in fact, still alive. The passing of a cherished loved one... cradling a newborn baby in your arms... hearing the diagnosis of a terminal illness... watching your child grow up to give birth to their own... being broken under the load of grief & sense of loss when a marriage dies...

Moving Mountains

I take too many pictures. I can't seem to help it. And, the bad thing is, I am pathetic about deleting photos on my devices. The last phone I had held over 1,300 pictures on it when I traded it in for the next. But, I happen to be one of those people who's deeply moved by looking an an image & thinking back about what was happening at that moment in the picture, what was happening in my life at that time, and what was I thinking about as I took the picture. For me, a picture truly does speak 1,000 words!

The picture here is no different. My heart & mind is full just looking at this picture. It was taken when this sweet baby was six days old. That's right SIX DAYS OLD!

My Perfectly Formed Arms - #JoyDare No. 2363

One of the hardest things to do is to put a baby in a crib once you've rocked them to sleep! And, isn't it awesome how they always fit perfectly in your arms -- from the day they were born to the days they begin toddling all over your house and beyond :) It's almost like God made our arms specifically for holding & hugging!

It's 12:09pm and, I'm unable to move. I'm rocking a sleeping baby. I haven't dressed yet. My hair hasn't been brushed and make-up isn't on. The bed's unmade & the kitchen still needs to be cleaned up. A load of wet laundry waits to be put in the dryer. Confetti litters the great room floor from the surprise gifts which were received & unwrapped gleefully yesterday by this little sleeping angel & her mommy. There are numerous items on the To Do List which can only be accomplished in the time she sleeps. But, I am unable to move... just now. I'm breathing in this moment & thanking God with a full heart. 

I'm holding this sleeping child & recording the many thoughts that are pouring out of me in these moments. I'm "typing" as fast as I can on an open page of this blog application on my smart phone. Note: Typing here means using my right thumb only!! Playing softly today in the background is Chris Botti's CD "Italia". The song right now -- "Ave Maria" -- no words, just the music. The books we read minutes ago are laid beside us on the floor. The drapes have been drawn to darken the room so that she can sleep more easily. And, in this moment, all is well. 

I hear her soft breathing and match mine with hers - long, deep, peaceful breaths. The hand-me-down gliding rocker (which matches not ONE thing in my house) has begun to creak loudly indicating that it's time to shift my weight or jiggle around so the squeaking doesn't get any louder. With one fist, she's clutching a blanket given to her by one of my dear, dear friends. Today, as she was nearing sleep, she tucked her other little chubby hand inside the neck of my fleece robe. I take joy in the feel of her soft fingers now warm against my skin. What a blessing to have her reach up & stroke my face with her velvet palm as she draws near sleep or to have her tuck a hand inside my collar to touch my skin. 

This baby sleeps in peace now - without a care in the world. She's loved. She's cared for. She's protected. All is well!

But, what can I do to shield her from pain, suffering, injustice & evil which is a part of our life here? She'll likely grow to be a normal young woman - struggling with peer pressure & self-image. Despite our many efforts to teach her that her value & worth are based completely upon the fact that she's a creation of God... she'll question. She'll likely be uncertain in times but still determined to show her independence and right to make her own choices. She'll likely experience loss and heartache in her life. What can I do to keep her from these things? I can do no more than I did with her Mommy and her uncle - whom I rocked to sleep all those years ago. And, I pray over her as I did over them when they were babes. 

So, for this moment today... I'll just stay here and rock this child... I'll put off the To Do List a little longer... I'll whisper prayers over her as she sleeps... I'll gently stroke her face as she rustles... I'll ask God that she will see Him & His perfect love in me! 

And I'll thank God for how perfectly He formed my arms... all of our arms... to love!

David said it best in the 139th Psalm:

You go before me and follow me.

You place your hand of blessing on my head. (vs. 5)

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

too great for me to understand! (vs. 6)

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body

and knit me together in my mother’s womb. (vs 13) 

Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!

Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. (vs. 14)

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.

They cannot be numbered! (vs. 17)

I can’t even count them;

they outnumber the grains of sand!

And when I wake up,

you are still with me! (vs. 18)

NOTE: Due to a small book club group for women started in 2012 by a friend at my church, I actually picked up & read Ann Voskamp's book, One Thousand Gifts, in early 2012. I began listing gifts then & am planning to continue for years to come. It's a WONDERFUL way to remind myself of God's tender loving care for & faithfulness to me -- and to all his children! I've always been one to get super excited about the little things from God - seeing a mother deer & her fawns while out walking early in the morning, the way the clouds look on a cold -- but sunny -- winter day, the lighting or angle I was able to catch in a photo, the quiet snoring/breathing of the LOML as he sleeps beside me, new fuzzy socks or slippers, an apple right off my tree, etc. Often times my descriptions make no sense to anyone by me & God. So, I decided to expand upon those thoughts in a few posts. So... for today... 

#JoyDare No. 2363. my perfectly formed arms

Linking with Ann Voskamp - A Holy Experience today... 

Beginnings... Peaceful Rest

I sent a note to a friend today & said "I'd rather be writing..."  

What is it about putting my heart on paper that brings me such joy?

However, truth be told, I have a LOT of things which need to be accomplished today. If those tasks are completed, there won't be any leftover time for writing.

So, here's the BEGINNINGS of the post on my heart now...

Ayla fell asleep in my arms this morning...

... as the fire glowed & gently crackled a few feet away. Her entire body relaxed as her little arms stretched out. Her breathing became deep & regular. All expression of emotion melted from her face. I felt the weight of her tiny head, cradled in my hand, as she slipped into peaceful rest. An inquisitive cat watched from the back of my wing-back chair purring loudly. I drank in the moment & tucked it in my heart for forever. 

Hopefully I will be able to finish my post soon.  Look for it if you are interested in peaceful rest :)

Blessings my friends!
stuckinindiana