Honoring the Memory of My Sister

My mom carried her first child full term with no complications. The baby was active during the pregnancy and in the early stages of labor. But with no warning, she was stillborn. No husbands were allowed to be in during deliveries back then. No explanations were given back in those days. My mother was left in the surgical room, for what felt like an eternity to her, as she faced this new reality... alone.

It seems strange to feel a connection to someone who never breathed their first breath of life -- to someone whose life was only demonstrated by normal kicks & wiggles while nested in my mother's womb. It seems odd to feel a connection with a person I never met. My mother's connection to that child runs deep. And, I feel a strong connection as well. My heart tells me that one day I will meet her in heaven and, we'll rejoice together that we are sisters.

On October 25, 1988, President Ronald Reagan proclaimed October as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Later the day of October 15th was set aside as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. It's to be a day of remembrance for pregnancy loss & infant death (which includes but is not limited to miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS, or the death of a newborn). Presently, it's observed annually in the United States & Canada. In recent years, it's also been observed in the United Kingdom, Italy and the Australian States of Western Australia & New South Wales. The day itself is observed with remembrance ceremonies and candle-lighting vigils and concludes with the International Wave of Light, a worldwide lighting of candles at 7:00pm. 

I chose to observe that day this year by doing something I've thought of hundreds of times but, never done. I decided to go the cemetery on the southwest side of my town where my mother's first child (my not-yet-met sister) was interred. My intent was to find the grave-site and leave flowers picked from my yard. In talking with my mother, I learned that the remains of my sister had been relocated in the 60's beside her mom's remains. My maternal grandmother had died when my mom was a young adult. With the help of a friend who works in the office there, I was able to locate the grave sites. Beckie's grave marker was totally buried under sod. The sod was quite wet due to the drizzling rain. So, I got down on my knees & began clearing dirt away with my hands... 

Journal Entry 10-15-2014: Today I cleared off my sister Beckie's grave marker & left a bouquet of country wildflowers there. In doing so, I hope I honored the memory of her... and the great sacrifice that was made by my mom on that day so many years ago. My prayers go out to those who have experienced such a deep, deep loss!

Linked with the Nesting Place community through the write31days challenge, October 2014 - post No 19.